Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Saturday, February 6, 2016

You Can't Change the Past...but sometimes you get to relive it..flashbacks

I can't change the past...I try and make peace with it. Then there are the times, a momentary trigger, a word, sight, or smell and Pow, flashback. A flashback is when a segment of the past comes rushing like a Mack truck, out-of-control, speeding and you find yourself emeshed in all the sights, feels and thoughts of a time long ago. Picture an iterate time traveler, stepping into a wormhole or...falling into a pit with the monsters you wanted to forget.
Sigh.
  Flashbacks remind me about every week, that I have PTSD, Dissociative Identity Disorder and that I was heavily abused. It's the reason sleep often eludes me. It's the reason I wake up terrified. And it's the main culprit in my ongoing affair with panic attacks.
When you cry is there ever someone to hold you? Tell you it's going to be okay? Reassure you that it happened a longlong time ago and you are safe now? I don't think I've ever had that kind of someone. It's not easy to comfort yourself when engulfed in fear. Maybe...at some point in my life...just maybe.
I can "put the past behind me" and "get over it" all I want but it doesn't stop the flashbacks. I have yet to find anything that does. I think flbcks happen in the minds attempt to heal it's fractures. And it does work. I no longer push them away. It gets easier to deal and handle them with practice and I've Had a lot of Practice.
It's the life I live. It's mine and I'm okay with it these days.
I don't deny, hide or run from my past. There are a few that I can speak freely with. Those brave, compassionate souls who don't recoil at a tear or raw truth that gushes forth. Depending on my circumstances, I can put flashbacks in temporary holding patterns until I'm with someone safe but it takes tremendous energy. I'm simply grateful that there are people I can share my most painful experiences with.
I dare say flashbacks and DID cannot be healed in a vacuum or alone. I've often detested them for that fact. Memories need to be talked about in order to stop pestering. DID is like a twirling kaleidoscope and someone not trapped in the kaleidoscope needs to be there to orient and ground the wildly spinning apparatus. Or you just keep spinning your wheels mucked deep in the mud.
If you have PTSD...get a therapist. If you have DID, MPD....get a therapist. The pain and madness needn't continue.
  It was time to share a little insight into my world.
Be well friends

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