Not so afterall, relationships

Well, I guess I'm not the only one who feels I'm getting the shaft. Judging by the words and facial expressions when I mention how I end up with nothing, I've seriously been a sucker at picking relationships. I've inevitably followed the pattern most abused, neglected children due, marrying someone a lot like their abusive parents. We tell others how we want to be treated and we allow ourselves to be treated like dirt. Sorry state of affairs when the word "love" forever means the kind of love received from hollow, narcissistic parents..it's nothing. Still garbage. At least it isn't my imagination. At least acquaintances and friends have been left angered and upset at my maltreatment.
It sucks being a nice person in a cruel world where everyone only cares about themselves. I'm sure there are people out their as naive, caring and as honest as myself, just hard to find in the dense murky underbrush that reeks of stench and "I'm number 1".
Shit, I've been a pigeon on a wire unwavering even as the shotgun blasts whistle past my ears.
I haven't been a doormat so much as a carpet remnant rolled out to be trampled on, once sullied rolled back up till the next time you want to make sure your floors don't get dirty with the muck on your boots from stepping over everyone else's needs. I've been a fool so long the jesters hat has grown into my skull over the dunce cap.
You can give and give and give, and there is always someone who will keep taking. Fool.
I've had my needs given no credence, once again, as if I didn't have any and if I did, who the fuck cares. Living with cold, unfeeling robots who ingest the innocent and kind for breakfast as they wallow in their own shit that smells like shineola and flowers.
The pots been calling the kettle black so long, the kettles forgotten how to boil as its been constantly stained and tainted with unwanted seconds that the homeless guy would turn down. Like its some fucking favor that you give me worn out shoes.
Oh, how the crown has fallen as the poor idol worshipper has wiped her eyes and removed the tunnel vision googles. Hearty, hearty fool. 5 foot 6 jackass. It all finally comes into view, full focus and laughter, humiliation that such a sick game continued past ten rounds. The crowd cheers as she steps out of the ring refusing to take anymore low blows and invisible punches.
You'd think the weakest, most needy and injured would be given protection and utmost, compassionate care, not another round of childhoods blows. Yeah, I'm pretty disgusted with myself for making such awful choices. Like I was thrown a bone and gnawed on it forever like a grateful, stupid beast. Seriously? I've been that stupid and overrun.
Some people know a sucker when they see them. Maybe the big L on my forehead gave me away.
I'll not put myself in degradations way by engaging in any more relationships whilst I dry my eyes and they be still blurry. I will engage in harmless adult fun that may meet some of my long foregone needs but no commitments need apply.
The stupid girl realizes the error of her ways, choices and thinking.