Newport Bayfront Harbor

Pacific Ocean Views along 101

Depot Bay Oregon

A gorgeous day at Depot Bay

California Sea Lions at Newport Bay

Here is another place that I stumbled upon last February that I wanted to introduce my son to. The California barking Sea Lions. What a hoot!!! He loved them!

The Best Compliment

At Ripley's they had an arcade. Little guy and I decided to play some Lord of the Rings pinball. It was a very modern, highly detailed game and oodles of fun.
I was playing, and at one point I was dealing with 4 pinballs at once. That's when little guy said, "Mom, I've never seen anyway play this good!" It was a huge, most genuine compliment from my young gamer.

Fun Day at Newport Ripley's Believe it or Not

I wanted to go somewhere fun today, so little guy and I headed to Newport. The big surprise was seeing the renovated highway 20. Omg, bright, shiny guardrails everywhere in addition to wide lanes!
We pulled in to the Newport Bayfront and I talked little guy into his first venture to Ripley's. He thought it was pretty cool, as did I!

A Glimpse Back to a Simpler Time...the writings in a 1963 yearbook from LaGrange High School, Mimir, Steve Waller

I picked up a few yearbooks at the second hand store. This one is full of inscriptions, so here goes;
Steve, I'll always remember the fun we've had together with your smiling personality and good manners and grades. I'm sure you'll be a success in college. (Don't chase too many girls) Best of luck always and much success in the future.
  Love Tessie
*
Steve, You are quite a guy. I wish you the best of luck in the future in everything you strive to do.
  Love Linda ******
*
Steve,
Don't ever forget the time Alex K., you and I were enrolled in that raunchy tapping class. It has been great knowing you Steve and I will always remember ??? and that tap dancing. I want to wish you the very best of luck in everything you attempt. Also good luck with college this year- study hard but have fun.
May God Bless you and be with you- Bill S
*
Steve,
I could have been kind of nesty, but I won't be.
Remember all the fun we've had in L. H. S.
I hope there are no hard feelings.
  from one Romeo to another
   Stephen
*
Steve,
To the greatest kid in the class of '63. You deserve the best of everything and here's hoping that you get it. May the Lord bless you always.
Good Luck-
  Love Ya,
   Becky
*
Buddy Steve,
Golly, since we've started the University routine, it just seems that everything is different. Sort of miss the ole' gang and your humorous voice. Your a great guy and I'll always remember your friendship and "southern hospitality". Best of luck always to a wonderful guy. I wish you success in College, even if it isn't the greatest (BYU) just kidding.
A "rebel" buddy always, Steve
*

Steve, Here's to one of the swinginest' clarinet players I've ever known. I'll always remember you as one of the neatest seniors of '63. You are always a lot of fun. Well, I sure do wish you a lot of luck,  now & forever. Keep Smilin' Becca

*Steve, Well I sure hope you are enjoying yourself at College. Study hard and get somewhere huh? I am sure having my hands full being head D (?). M. this year. Tonite is homecoming and Don's about ready to pull his hair. He even said I worry him. But it'll be perfect tonight I assure you. Never forget all the good times we've had in Band even in the Beginning with Ruckman Yuk! Be good and we'll see ya one of these years O.K.? Best of Luck Always "M"

*Hi there! Only 27 more weeks of school. It doesn't seem possible.  It seems strange very strange without you here. We really had some great times and I hope we can have alot more in the future. Don't ever forget the many ski trips we took. Especially the one where Kelly got mad because you didn't sit by her. Also the day when Jari (?) and I came up to get our pictures taken and Kelly keep throwin snow-Boy that was a real riot! Pep band isn't going to be the same without you - You really made it- and you also made it sound just great. There's one big memory out of all of them and that was having the privilege of going to Baccalaureate and Commencement with your mother and the Senior Party and winning the $.50 for being the further couple away! Also there is that tape recorder! And when you left for your trip- I bet that is the quietess tape!!?? Agree or disagree?! Always stay smiling and keep your great sense of Humor. Love Ya Suzy

*Steve & (Hands remember) To a real top Knotch Senior, who I have had the pleasure of Knowing. Steve your a real swell guy, with a real neat personality, I sure hope that in the future, I'll be able to get to know you better. Good luck Steve, and please WRITE me, Sincerely Sharon.   PS Hope to see you around

* Steve- You are a really swell guy- in an off-beat way, of course- no- seriously you are really a neat person! Hope you like OSU this year- don't flunk out- but with your genius I'm sure you'll go places- Best of luck- Kay

Good News...A Helper Has Arrived

Took my son to Vodoo Donuts for his 13th birthday. Had to get a photo of the infamous Bigfoot there.
The week got a whole lot better on Thursday. Come to find out since I'm on pre-section 8 housing, I get a peer support person to help me enhance my independence. You heard me, there is someone that helps me out each week free of charge via the compassionate and wise state of Oregon. I couldn't find any help in Michigan and here It Is Everywhere.
CeCe, my support person, says that it's impossible to go hungry in Corvallis because there are too many resources available. Alleluia. For our first venture next week, CeCe is taking me to the local food pantry where I can expect to come home with a large box of food, meat, chicken, eggs, staples and fresh produce. You heard me right. I'm looking forward to it! Other places we will go, a thrift store that gives stuff away, an agency that assists with household supplies, learning to ride the bus and getting heating assistance. It will be grand to have someone to talk to for an hour or two every week!
CeCe came over this week. Oh my, it was fun to see Rosebud react to a stranger in the house! Rb barked and barked. She was a ferocious protector of me. Once she realized CeCe was okay, Rb jumped in my lap and stayed there for her entire visit. I'd never seen pup act like that before. It was so comforting having her in my lap so I could calmly pet her.
Next week I'll also drive to see my girlfriend. She lives about half an hour away in a bigger, scary to me city and we will do some light shopping so I can get used to the place and she can get some shopping done. I've grown nervous leaving the apartment and my new city, another reason it's important to get comfy in other cities. No more agoraphobia will be allowed to close me in!
I ride my bike a little each day. I really need to build muscle slowly with daily rides. I missed my usual amounts of long walks as there were too many errands and appointments to fit the walks in. I want to get back to that, too.
So much to do. Keeping relaxed and calm. I continue to be happy every night in my own bed, in my own room. I am grateful each morning I wake up and remember I'm in Oregon!
My son has his ups and downs, more ups than downs lately.
Peace out

Not a good week

Other than my creating the Magritte replica art in Lego, this week has kinda sucked.
On Monday I found out my son had been brutally teased for having one hand. There have been meetings at the school, with counselors and his therapist, and overall trying to deal with the pain of being teased, both mom and son that is.
My son seems quite depressed, like a spark has been stepped on. He's wounded and I can see and feel it. I'm working on keeping him upbeat and involved. We've been doing more errands, shopping and going for walks.
He waited four days to tell me about it. He must be embarrassed, emotional or just having a hard time thinking about it. It's heartbreaking when someone hurts your kid...and I can't protect him and this is his battle alone as I can only prepare, support and help him repair.
It is hard to talk about. Sucks

Voodoo Donuts Tres in Eugene, OR

Ah, I should have taken more photos of the interior for my first visit here. I guess I'll have to go back! It's a small store that is packed with fun, creative memorabilia. There's the large black sasquatch, the pedal bike with delivery box, cool posters and wall hangings, stacks of the fabulous Voodo Donut pink boxes and of course, a few dozen varieties of donuts.
My son and his teen friend loved the three vintage video games and stole all my quarters. It's a fun place simply to look at the eclectic collection!
Being gluten free, I wasn't able to sample anything but my son thoroughly enjoyed his pink with sprinkles and purple sugared donuts. My son's friend was a little less impressed with his bubblegum, marshmallow pink frosted with a genuine piece of bubblegum candy on top.
I saw donuts sprinkled with fruit loops and Cap'n Crunch, shaped like voodoo dolls and keys, filled with various jellies and frosting along with the good old fried donut with chocolate frosting.
It Is a fun experience!!! I want to go again!!!

What Does God Look Like?

Here's a clue...there are no wrong answers here.
Lately I've been picturing God as a beautiful Middle Eastern woman in a white hijab. Being raised in the Catholic church, God was portrayed as the male, white bearded, old man.

Personally, I believe God is how we picture Her or Him, if you choose. God is neither, either, both or genderless, as He is in a category all by herself. Calling God "it" to avoid a gender doesn't seem right, so I will interchange the pronouns to try a little rigid thinking expansion.

I don't want to be one of the automatons, the millions of cogs that perpetually turn and churn the same old, same old ideas and beliefs that were inherited from my parents or heavily impressed upon me by a dogmatic, strict doctrine. I want to think for myself.

When I think of God, there is a feeling as well as an image that changes periodically. Just because the "face" changes doesn't mean my respect or love ever changes. Maybe God appears differently to different people. After all, I believe a small piece of God lives within each human being, animal, tree, plant, rock, drop of water and breath of fresh air. Maybe as we grow, mature, evolve and transform, so does our image of what God looks like.

I've been listening to Joan Osborne's, "One of Us". I love the song and it puts me in a place to question and examine my beliefs. In the song is a line "What would you ask if you had just one question?" For years, I had surmised that I would ask "How am I doing?" Funny, because now, at 53, feeling wise and slightly weathered from storm after storm and battle after battle, I actually could not think of a single question I'd want to ask.

Maybe that's faith...or trust...or just knowing that everything is going okay and God has my back as well as each of my future steps mapped out.

I've spent oodles of time thinking of God. I thought it might be time to share my thoughts.

What if God was a beautiful maiden in a white veil? Would He love me any less? Nope

Be well.

Think for yourself.

Believe what works for you.

It's all good.

Believe in yourself.

Eugene vs Corvallis, Oregon

I visited Eugene today. I was surprised by how eclectic and vibrant was the city's energy. The slow pace of Corvallis was no where to be found. Even the kindness and patience was completely missing.
My artist side loved it whilst my everyday side was completely overwhelmed trying to keep up and take it all in.

More Pics, Bridge of the Gods

Bridge of the Gods...WILD ❤

There is pure magic abounding when you get to a place you never thought you'd ever be fortunate to visit! Here I am at the Bridge of the Gods!! And yes, I crossed it into Washington, took a few pictures and recrossed the narrow metal grating back to my homestate. It was Fabulous and Breathtaking! The views of the Columbia River and the mountains were stunning and my favorite sights thus far.
I hadn't heard of the bridge until I watched "Wild" with Reese Witherspoon sometime last year. I remember my heart singing when I heard the name, Bridge of the Gods. I looked it up on the map and thought surely a place I will never get to visit because it was two thousand miles away. Yesterday, on a pure whim, I looked up the distance from my new home...less than two hours! I emailed my girlfriend and asked her if she'd like to go on a road trip. She said sure.
Oh my, the scenery along the Columbia River Gorge is breathtakingly spectacular, I kid you not!!! We even got to see a paddle boat on the river.
You may remember my previous posts regarding high anxiety over bridge crossings...well, none of that was evident today as it was pure thrill and excitement.
My new goal is to walk across the bridge!! It's not too long and it's road surface is entirely that metal grating so it will be a challenge. The bridge is narrow with no walkways but I saw a group walking across so it's allowed. I can only imagine the experience of seeing the sights and taking photos from mid bridge.
If you are planning a trip to visit, it is a toll bridge and it cost 2$ each way to cross. I continue to feel the exhilaration!!!
What a glorious day!!!

No complaining

A very odd couple of days, indeed. For the second day in a row, my son has performed his chores and tasks without a single complaint, whine or lament. He even took a bath without a typical, full strength rebel yell!!! I thought yesterday was a pure anomaly....he's vehemently complained ever since I've known him, lol. Now, he appears to have changed in most pleasant ways.
Definitely had to write this down for the record!!!

Autistic Overload...Respect the Bolt

Okay, so I had my initial intake with a new acupuncturist about an hour ago. I found the office on the other side of town, met the practitioner and sat in a room to fill out a bazillion personal questions that I didn't want to answer.
Then I waited. The room smelled funny like incense and pot. There were a host of items on her table that I didn't recognize. I couldn't figure out the framed things hanging on the wall and I promptly began to panic.
It started with "I can't do this" at about a whisper...then it just kept getting louder until I was repeatedly saying it out loud. I remembered where the door was and I made sure the practitioner was busy in another room with a client. I gathered up all my paperwork...I didn't feel like sharing Anyway and it was too invasive. I thought about leaving a note that said "autistic sensory overload gotta go" but that would take too much time to write so I nixed that idea.
Papers in hand, I bolted to the door, sprinted to the car and fired her up. I've learned to respect the Bolt. Once I feel like bolting there is no turning back, I can't calm myself down and it's useless to try.
I started castigating myself for messing up her appointment schedule and whimping out, then I stopped. It's unproductive to beat myself up for something completely out of my control. I did the best I could and I know that.
Today was not my day to restart acupuncture or maybe this was the wrong practitioner. The vibe was not good. I needed out.
I respect the Bolt.
For the next hour I said "no, no, nope, nada, no..." repeatedly, softly to myself. Sometimes things cannot be done and I need to get okay with that.
Some days things unfold in odd ways and it's okay.
Maybe another day...I'm good

Audition Done

I took my son to his first audition for a play. He is very excited. Not even sure the play will happen as they need a larger number of applicants to fill all the roles and they haven't advertised much. Tomorrow we go back to see if enough people showed up and to see other auditions. Can't believe how excited my son is. He's always expressed interest in theater but never had a proper venue. This is a children's theater group whereby they teach kids all the basics about the craft. It would involve 3 days a week of after school hours. I'm more than willing to drive him and spend time watching him learn the ropes. I hope it takes off.
He and I also completed his psychological exam for the possibility of him qualifying for SSI. It was a short, relatively painless one hour interview downtown. I'm glad we got that out of the way.
Later this week is acupuncture. I'm optimistic it will help me get aligned and increase my energy. Gosh, I hope this practitioner works for me!
Still on the waiting list for a therapist. I continue to have little free time outside of mom, apartment and social service stuff. So much to do and I like to only handle one appointment a day. The stress from each encounter, new place is more than enough for me each day.
I'm proud of myself for all that I am getting accomplished. My job as mom always comes first. If I can get my sweetheart more immersed and stabilized than I'll be able to pursue my interests with ease.
I was able to stop at Goodwill and pick he and I up a couple sweatshirts. It's fall and cooler, so I wanted to find autumn wear for us. Last weekend was the first time he and I didn't go on a travel adventure due to my flu recovery. I'm almost back to normal..getting there.
My son's best friend at school is transferring. So bummed. Hoping we can continue to hangout with him and his family as they seem like just great people.
Met another neighbor that wanted to pet Rosebud. I like meeting people and puppy sure does help.
I'm tired. Thanks for reading. Be well.

Exposing the Soft Underbelly

I was taught I was nothing, not worthy of anything unless I did for others and gave and gave and gave. Others came first, all of them.
I've been pouring from an empty pitcher for a very long time. I hope this makes sense.

Adjusting to the Move & Sleep or Dream?

It's been a few days since my sleep mess ran out. I'm still sleeping most of the night, probably due to the ongoing feverishness. Last night, for the first time in many moons, I had a dream..not just one dream, more like a dozen or so. I didn't realize how much I missed dreaming. It's as if I have a choice, take meds and sleep through the night in a dense, dreamless, relaxing state or revert back to my innate nature, stay awake till 2 or 3 am and experience intermittent, often profound and insightful dreams. I must admit it felt wonderful to dream. I didn't realize how much I had missed it and the importance it plays in me understanding what is going on beneath my surface. Once again, I've thought that something was negative, no meds, yet it's turned or rather shown it's positive side.
I dreamt of being with my sister and she presented me with a gift. I tearfully told her "I just wanted you to believe me", implying that I had no intent of disrupting or causes hardship in anyone else's life.
It just goes to show how very miniscule my bio family knew/ knows me...to think that I would consciously wish hardship or distress on anyone, much less someone I once loved deeply for years, my siblings.
Another dream was of being a very distraught young child and having two other kids come over to me and push me down on purpose. For years, I simply assumed that if anyone saw me standing they would want to push me down, inflict harm because I was nothing more than a target. Look at the years, how often I fit neatly into that role.
Ah, I'll have to start keeping a notebook by my bed again, now that I have a bed in my own bedroom. That's still pretty awesome. I smile when I think about it. I'm happy every night. Why didn't I have a bed all those years and was relegated to living on a couch? You know, it simply stymies me that I was that much of a nothing.
Moving on...Little Guy and I spent the weekend at home watching movies, football and playing with Legos. We did have great fun! I made a Lego box for my little spider plant. Little Guy, LG, created a complex innovative Lego game that we will play once it's fully developed.
I am so proud of myself for my first successful month on food stamps. I planned and spent well! My fridge and cupboard are near empty again, which is,a tremendous sign of progress for two reasons. One, all my life I have panicked whenever the shelves weren't packed or the fridge was looking low, no more. I've gotten over, somehow, my fear of starving again. My childhood was spent hungry, that's the only way to say it. It was all I knew and I sure as hell didn't like it. And it haunted me. I guess I'll have to "blame" this positive breakthrough on therapist, again. I have no anxiety if supplies are low.
Two would be that I'm not wasting food anymore by letting it go bad or forgetting leftovers. I claim that as another huge positive. It also kinda means that I'm conscientious about what I'm buying and selective. I'm making great choices!!!
I hope to be completely over this flu any day now. Appointments to attend And to reschedule.
Time to head to my bed😪😀. Still a little sick but it has been a great day.
Be well
Stay well