Okay, so I had my initial intake with a new acupuncturist about an hour ago. I found the office on the other side of town, met the practitioner and sat in a room to fill out a bazillion personal questions that I didn't want to answer.
Then I waited. The room smelled funny like incense and pot. There were a host of items on her table that I didn't recognize. I couldn't figure out the framed things hanging on the wall and I promptly began to panic.
It started with "I can't do this" at about a whisper...then it just kept getting louder until I was repeatedly saying it out loud. I remembered where the door was and I made sure the practitioner was busy in another room with a client. I gathered up all my paperwork...I didn't feel like sharing Anyway and it was too invasive. I thought about leaving a note that said "autistic sensory overload gotta go" but that would take too much time to write so I nixed that idea.
Papers in hand, I bolted to the door, sprinted to the car and fired her up. I've learned to respect the Bolt. Once I feel like bolting there is no turning back, I can't calm myself down and it's useless to try.
I started castigating myself for messing up her appointment schedule and whimping out, then I stopped. It's unproductive to beat myself up for something completely out of my control. I did the best I could and I know that.
Today was not my day to restart acupuncture or maybe this was the wrong practitioner. The vibe was not good. I needed out.
I respect the Bolt.
For the next hour I said "no, no, nope, nada, no..." repeatedly, softly to myself. Sometimes things cannot be done and I need to get okay with that.
Some days things unfold in odd ways and it's okay.
Maybe another day...I'm good
No comments:
Post a Comment