As I drove those four days in August, away from Michigan and toward the unknown West Coast, I felt as if I was escaping...something..dreaded and dark. I thought that maybe it was my early years or the dysfunctional family...but it wasn't. I was managing to escape from a cruel, selfish, toxic, damaging and degrading relationship that had ensnared me for over a decade.
It's funny how little you can see in the present. Things become so much clearer at a distance. You could be standing right next to a monster and not know it.
The farther away I am from sick people, the healthier I become. At least I've learned some of the signs, the red flags that mean "poison, don't touch, keep away." Lies, bold, flagrant lies that are told without any feeling or remorse. And they believe the lies and justify them. Sick, right? No apologies, ever, because nothing is ever their fault. Yes, in a lot of ways it was like living with a temperamental 3 year old who was forever throwing fits if the focus and attention wasn't 100% on her. Completely lacking in empathy and emotion. Ah, so many signs but those are the biggest.
I'm not afraid of getting involved...quite the opposite. I look forward to meeting new friends, falling in love, because I understand what Isn't love now. I believe there are more good people than bad and I've met enough bad to fill out my lifetime. It's time for all the good that I've been missing.
I pity those trapped in their own agony and self-hatred, but I don't have to sup with them. They make their choices to be cruel, to lie. My choice is to stay as far away from sick as possible.
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