I hadn't been to her house before. Well, about once or twice a year, I set foot in someone else's domicile. It's a rare occurrence. I was suitably nervous but we'd been texting for a month or two so I felt reasonably safe going to a strange house.
I cased the joint, did a driveby to see where it was, where to park and how long would it take me to drive there. Anti-anxiety medicine was a nice prerequisite, too.
I did really good. I listened and asked appropriate questions. I shared bits about my self but not too much. I hit a point when I started talking about where I grew up, and I could feel myself going too far down an unpleasant rabbit hole, so I pulled back, took a drink of water and changed the subject. I recognized that I was in danger of sharing too much unnecessary and unpleasant information. This was huge progress for me!
For those two hours,( and I realized that at that time I should inquire as to whether I should leave, and it was appropriate timing!) I was, by all appearances, a normal human. Whew.
While I get some major credit, an equal amount goes to my friend. I was comfortable speaking with her and being in her house. Hell, I actually ate food prepared by someone else and lived to tell the tale!!! Huge, huge, humongous!!
Because I felt safe, respected, listened to and seen. Heck, for two hours another human being actively engaged with me....tears...it's been awhile and a rarity...it's been years. Someone I get along with and share much common ground with. What a delight. What a treasure. How bizarre. How wonderfully pleasant.
I'm guessing these feelings are experienced by neurotypicals on a regular basis. Aspie Amy only encounters this .... with great irregularity between large expanses of time.
It was really cool. One of those warm experiences I'll carry with me the rest of my life.
I invited her over to my place, cause that's how it's done, and she agreed.
I'm learning about friendship. I am Aspie. I am Autistic. I am 60 years old.
No comments:
Post a Comment