Monday, January 8, 2024

Why Bother? I don't know what to say

There are times when it is of no consequence whether I state my opinion or not. Why bother saying something when it will haven't impact upon the present or future?
Case in Point
A couple of coworkers at my therapist's office have given me distinct unpleasant, wary looks, as if I'm some monster and I better not say or do anything to harm therapist.
Granted, they have probably heard my loud, angry voice a few times, in the seven years that I have been going to the office. I'm not the only client who is an angry sexual abuse Survivor, I'm sure. Yeah, what do I have to be angry about? 
The looks they gave me made me feel, as I stated, like some type of unpredictable, violent potential predator.
I am, quite the contrary, a completely nonviolent person. 
The way those workers made me feel...that will not change. Discussing it wouldn't change a thing. So, why bother bringing it up?
Words can be so useless, as can opinions be, too.
Nothing can change that.
I'm at an impasse where I am questioning my voluntary verbal interactions with others.
I'm struggling. I don't want to say the wrong thing, a useless item, something that may hurt someone, or too much about my inner chaos.
I've canceled all my interactions for the week. I'm too uncertain and anxious and I'm not sure what I should say or not say.
Best to remain quiet and nonoffend.

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