I was rattled yet continued to function until evening. I crawled early into bed around 9pm and did not wake till next midday. My puppy required an outing and food, other than that, I heavily slumbers without any thought of food or drink until the next day.
Friday was a wash, all gone, soaked up in sleep and dreams.
Saturday, I was awake for a few more hours. I craved chicken broth which told me that I was quite dehydrated and needed fluids and salts.
This is a typical Shutdown brought on by overwhelming emotions, in this case anger, fear and shame. Whatever chemicals the brain and limbic ? system produce in response to those emotions flooded my physiology. Those chemicals produced an uncontrollable, mandatory sleep much like the narcolepsy I have heard about.
It is completely involuntary and impossible to stop, hinder, slow down or make go away, this Shutdown Sleep. The only recourse is to sleep, remember to have fluids nearby, and wait for equilibrium to return. This takes anywhere from a few hours (rarely), to a few days (often), to a few weeks (mostly). Until that time, I am fully engaged in self-care which involves avoiding emotions or situations that can cause them. Because Shutdown confines me to bed or couch, and I live alone, I don't have to worry about others.
My main focus is on fluids. My appetite typically diminishes which isn't a big problem as a body at rest requires few calories. Plus, digesting food requires body energy so lack of appetite makes sense.
If I has an appointments, I would cancel them. I do not have the energy to walk more than a few feet, at times.
As I've been laying here these past two days, contemplating my worth, I have actually, finally found a couple of positives regarding Shutdowns. One, I spend less money going shopping or driving around (that whole not being able to get up, walk and move thingy). Two, I spend less on food. This is the first month that I have not gone to buy groceries the day of receiving my food assistance. Two plusses.
The sleep and fatigue are my body's attempts to recover safely, away from others and outside stimulus. At the same time, my physiology is "balancing out", removing the excess emotional chemicals that are causing problems.
Man, I always wished to be Spock, no emotions. Now, I see one reason why.
Emotions Can Cause Shutdown especially high, excess emotions. That anger followed by terror followed by humiliation and shame was way, way, too much for this body to handle. That's a major Morpheus maker.
Now patiently I rest and wait. At some point, on some day, I will feel hungry and want to do dishes and cook.
I will continue to work to avoid emotions in large measure.
I'm thinking my best, most suited occupation is Hermit. It's not a bad word or bad career. It actually sounds pleasant, well-suited for me, and what I was born to do. My inherent nature is to avoid...for so very many reasons, many of which are physiological.
