The Wear & Tear of Everyday Frustrations

One of the many reasons I blog is in an attempt to portray the differences that some of us with Aspergers face on a day-to-day basis. Dang, we look so normal, but under the surface...Well, you get it...read on
Here is an example of a relatively minor annoyance that shoved me into a state of befuddlement lasting the rest of the evening.
I agreed to "Cook" dinner last night and be the chef...so I asked my partner what she wanted me to pick up from Taco Bell. She told me a "chalupa". So I drive over to the restaurant drive thru and order, the chalupa.
The disembodied voice speaks crass and cold, "beef, chicken or steak?"
Ohh, this isn't on my list. But I can guess pretty good having been with my partner for 16 years now.
"Beef"
"Supreme, Spicy or..mazaratti?" (okay, I made that last word up because my mind had fallen into that familiar blank state where it refuses to acknowledge or take in any information due to mass neurological firings and misfirings. Yeah, missiles going off in all directions...Now What?) This was so not on my list.
Ummmmm...think Murph, think quick before the guy behind you starts yelling for his double mega burrito supremes...I could call her..I have my phone...and how stupid would That look?
"Ok, ummm, forget it...how about 2 bean burritos?" Score one me, I know she likes those.
So, I got my order and then remember that she asked for nachos.....To turn around and place another order? Or endure the wrath of returning home without the beloved nachos? I'll pick the latter...I know her and her probable reaction.
Thus, I returnth and blurt/ state my case before i am even fully in the door. Of course, all is forgiven. And I mull about in the frustration and try and destress the rest of the evening.
I know, I know, no big deal. The average neuro-typical would have griped for a few minutes and moved on. This Aspie had to replay the dramatic scene over and over and over and try and plan a better strategy to deal with it if it were ever to happen again.
These type of small, disquieting incidents throw me off my game and are quite stressful.
Speaking of stress and the neuro-typical...yeah, its one thing to whine and complain about a problem, the better question is what do I do about it? This Neuro-Typ hell? My answer is to try and stay calm and avoid as much interaction with them as is Aspianly possible. I will continue to interact with my friends, and will attempt to keep the stressors at a minimum. I'll see if that can work. I don't have any other answers or ideas.
At some point, I will regain my quiet, calm, predictable little world where my greatest joys are solitude and hugging my sons. Gone will be the phone calls from lawyers, the struggles at normalacy and appearing functional, the daily verbal interactions and subsequent misunderstandings...I long for peace...at some point....at some point

Me and Blare...Sound, Overstimulation

A repost from an earlier time.

I am learning appropriate formatting for my book, thus finding pertinent post to edit and add.

I have noticed a dramatic increase in the amount of time I spend with Blare. Blare is the affectionate term for music turned up really, really loudly so that windows shake and floors vibrate.
Believe it or not, there is a sound (LOL) reason for this atypical behaviour. I don't remember it exactly, but, at massage school they taught us that one of the reasons massage works when people are in pain is due to the overstimulation of the sympathetic or parasympathetic nervous system. When the right one gets overloaded, the nervous system automatically calms down. They called it the gateway effect or some such thing.
Its like if a million neurons are going in all different directions and someone stands at the top of the peak and blows a whistle really loud...everyone falls in line and simmers down.
Blare leads to calm...and i like calm..a whole lot. Its a self-soothing mechanism that actually works for this Aspie.
Its true...really...trust me...I'm a certified massage therapist...I know this.
Yeah, Blare and me...we got a thing going on

My Doctor Thinks....

In one of my many...medical journeys this past week, a doctor remarked that it appeared I was coming down with rosacea, a common skin condition in which the forehead and cheeks take on a ruddy, reddish complexion.
At the time I agreed that it was possible and would pursue it further with my family doctor if need be...
Well, it must have taken me 3-4 hours to realize that my forehead was excessively red because I routinely rub the area in question as a self-soothing mannerism when I am stressed. Yeah, its been that kind of week.
I had to smile

More Ways Neuro-Typicals Torture Us

I keep reminding myself that, yes, I know I am an alien in their world...but, they are so darn good at making my life miserable with their circus-like antics and I simply must file yet another report on it.
Some neuro-typicals (nt) have a tendency to talk way too much and they don't know when to stop. At this stage, in my game, I no longer put up with it. I will either a)put my hands in the "time-out" position (its like a T) and walk out of the room. b) I will roll my eyes and throw up my hands and start sputtering. c) I will find a very vague excuse to leave the room. d) I will verbally clue them to move on.
Enough already. My tolerance for incessant chatter has long flown out the window along with my patience.

The other thing, some nts do....they ask vague open-ended questions or try squeezing three questions into one and like, expect me to try and figure it all out.
Clue for the nt...ask one very specific question at a time...not a biggie here, folks.
I try and remember that as a species, the nts tend to throw words around without much regard so is it so much to ask that they put a little bit of thought into their inquiries? I think not
The world of the nt is quite vague and tough to navigate. I like things clear and easy to understand, literally.
As I have to suddenly work with a variety of nts on an almost daily basis, their flaws and my Aspergian thinking seem to clash and misunderstandings are commonplace.
I long for simple clarity and a meeting of the minds. Gosh, I happen to enjoy conversations when they are productive and comprehensible.
The only thing that is clear, these days, is how very different our two species are

The Aloneness...... Aspergers Syndrome and Loneliness

If there is one thing, that I believe a person with aspergers understands much more than the standard neuro-typical it is the intense feeling of aloneness. And maybe, hopefully, I am wrong and some aspies do not experience the brevity and depth of what it feels like to know that no matter where or with whom, you are flying solo.
Eldest and I have discussed this issue at length....we know that we are born alone and have a deep understanding of it.
Aspergers Syndrome is a disassociate state of being...always one step removed from reality
Anyway, this is the beginning of my photo essay album...I miss you

Mozart and the Whale...a movie review Aspegers on film

"People with Aspergers want contact with other people very much. We're just pathetically clueless at it." Donald Morton, Mozart and the Whale quote
I recently tracked down the 2005 movie Mozart and the Whale. Its central characters are two mid-20 people who both have Aspergers Syndrome. It is a fictional movie based on real life.
Josh Harnett plays Donald, a self-sufficient young man who is fascinated with numbers and can visualize formulas and maps in his head. He has a hard time holding down a job and runs a self-help type of drop-in center to alleviate his loneliness.
It is there that he meets Isabelle, a more out going, out spoken wild child who actually has really good eye contact and by most appearances has a subtler form of Aspergers.
Isabelle to Donald, "You can't disappoint me. Because whatever you are is exactly what I want."
I think that is what I liked best about this movie...it portrays not just a single autistic individual, but two people with varying symptoms and characteristics.
This movie will fall into that "You really should check this out" section of movies to watch to discover what Aspergers is in its varying degrees.
I highly recommend it.
Personally, this movie was easier for me to watch than Adam. Adam hit much closer to home as it was like i was looking into a mirror for the very first time. It startled and saddened me to get a glimpse of how I sometimes appear to other people. I do recommend Adam as well, its just a tough one for me but highly accurate.
One of the issues that struck me for some odd reason, was that I realized there are definitely times when another persons help is needed. I think I continue to struggle with asking for help, just not so vehemently as say, a couple of years ago. People need people, Aspie or not. (OOuuu, I better sit down...thats tough to admit.)
Anyway, see the movie...tell me what you think...recommend it to your family friends...Nough Said. Thanks

I Love Legos.....WTF???

Okay, will someone please tell me why a half-grown, forty something woman would like nothing more then to clear out an entire room and buy every single Lego kit available?? And spend her days lost in a world of tiny, small plastic red, and yellow bricks, paltry plastic flowers of blue and robotic looking peoples with fake follicles and cheerful little grins?
Why has the latest Lego catalog..the first one I have seen in years...caused me to ponder such irrational thinking as to...hmmm..if I win the Mega Millions I could have a whole house full of every Lego kit every made. I could have a gazillion of the little figures...which are so fricking cute...and definitely I would be able to purchase the 400$ Star Wars Death Star with 24 figures...no sweat.
Maybe it is due to my toy-less childhood, my Gemini youthful charisma or it could be my deeply hidden playful nature...who knows? I never saw a Lego until I was in my late 20's after I had Eldest. The first pack I purchased was those fun loving green Forest Peoples and their tree house fortress. Man, was that cool!! They even had one..yes, count it..one little forest wench with the prettiest shade of red lipstick...she really knew how to handle them forest boys!! And I didn't buy it for my then 16 month old son...hack no...he was too young...I bought it strictly for me. Ok, so I did let him play with them. He did display genius qualities even back at 16 months for he took all the little figures..ripped off their heads and made a totem pole completely out of Lego heads. Damn, that thing was so cute!! And even at his age, he never once put a Lego in his mouth. Ahhh, he realized their magic powers back then as well(or how upset momma would be if even one mindless castle minion lost a limb or crossbow):)
So, they do actually have this insanely large and intricate Death Star (over 3,000 and with a video that shows how to put it together...sounds like a fun weekend) with 24 figures..seriously. Now, if I had 400$ sitting around and all the bills were paid and the credit cards too, and the pantry was overflowing...would I buy it? Hell Yes!!
And they have this new "Architectural Series" with mini replicas of the Sears Tower, Hancock Building, Empire State Building, Guggenheim and Frank Lloyd Wrights Falling Water house that are absolutely fascinating. (You can practically feel the frenzy of my obsessive excitement..can't you?...and yes, I am almost drooling)
And, please keep this a secret, I would like to collect all the Toy Story figures (only the adorable figures as the buildings are quite lame)...I mean, a miniature Bullseye that I could put on my dash or above my sink and stare at his loving little cute face all day??? C'mon
Yeah, I must admit that if it were financially possible, I would collect all of the figures and only some of the kits...Yeah, a couple hundred little guys and gals and critters littering my house, hiding in plants, fighting in the fridge, doing...hmmm god knows what under the couch, having parties on my kitchen table, staring at my as they surround my bathtub, hanging from lamps and the chandelier...yeah, I could do it. :)
Okay, so I would pick up the Death Star, all the architectural buildings and definitely, most definitely the entire castle series....Dang. A girl can dream.
So I have enjoyed the Forest Peoples (they seem like such peaceful folk), the Ice Raiders with their blue and orange were fabulous mostly for their color scheme, the Underwater submarines were a novelty, OMG, the Aliens were so Rad!! Dang, I so wish I had stocked up on those at the time...who wouldn't like their very own Real Flying Saucer with anal probing Aliens??? LMAO
I did have a number of Castle pieces with the knights, horses, and queens. OMG, they do have a couple of keychains that I Will purchase. There is a freaky looking jester in red and white who looks psychotic and a noble king with crown and peaceful, yet stern expression. If I could only get one??? You guessed it...the psychotic jester.
I did previously have a Darth Vader keychain...yeah, me and the Dark Side...we go way, way back. But his light saber kept poking me. Anyway...it seems like I might have had one other keychain that was of short duration...hmmm..keychains are the coolest..small, compact, its like carrying a little friend around in your pants...lmao...OMG, definitely goofin tonite
Anyway, I am quite all revved up over this catalog and need to take a sedative and calm down a bit. I can't remember the last time anything excited me soo...hmmm...I really can't
Life is good...Legos Rock!!!!! Be good to your mother...Word