The question isn't why I'm drunk once a month, Lord knows I thoroughly deserve a chance to escape my hellish, traumatic memory filled life...the question is why aren't I this wasted every fucking day, now isn't it.
It feels so good like plastered poseys and pink filled rooms with Nothing on the walls or sticking to my skin.
I've always felt the distance between me and you. I've always found your life pretty and highly petty, and now you know why...ha, at least fractionally.
I've been so fucked over. I don't drown in pity, rather I grab the only cup I've been given, you know, the tiny blue one with half broke handle and I'm baling in, perpetually baling, my arms so tired and worn, it's a fucking miracle or mistake, that they haven't fallen off.
Omg, I met a beautiful woman today. Startlingly in that she looks at me with eyes of delight and welcome and let me get to know you better. We exchanged numbers, She Asked to exchange numbers, I'm so happy, it's all I've ever wanted...someone happy to see me..who lights up when I walk in the room...who smiles at me a deep, genuine smile of sparkling happiness.
And I'm crying again...I don't know, I guess it's at the fact that the simplest of things, the look of welcome is so foreign to me and it shouldn't be...it shouldn't be..I've always deserved someone to appreciate me for who I am...not for what I could do for them or how low they could make me bend.
My moment away from the injuries seems to have passed. Time for another round.
I love finding that sweet spot between leaving reality into a pleasant drunk and the insidious spinning of the room.
I...am a pretty awesome person. How I survived that, even just that one incident, is beyond scope of comprehension...really, seriously..for sure now.
I do have one friend now which rocks my world in the most pleasing of ways, like the idle cradle with screaming baby rocks, smooths and coos. Now, the door is open to find a kindred, kind woman soul to sooth my empty, aching heart. I've been alone for many, many, many years. I know she is out there...it may very well be the sweetheart of today.
I find women beautiful so easily. I cannot say the same of men as I have only known a couple worthy of my kiss and time.
Oh, I know a beautiful man but he lives too far away...more than a friend but less than a twosome. What a refreshing delight was he, restoring my faith in me and mankind. Forever friends in a positive way.
I do not hate men, I simply find most unattractive. Give me a good woman who is kind, with sparkling eyes, swaying hips and tender lips filled with kind words anyday. Haha hahaha
As if I needed drink to be any more honest than my everyday self. I will never understand deceit and the lowly sense of self that causes people to lie and deceive not only others but themselves. How sad and full of hurt and loneliness they must be. All well and good but stay far away from me as I've found my 10 foot pole and have figured out how to use it.
God, this is fun.
I simple must go and enjoy the brevity of this simple, feel good fleeting mood.
Be well my friends. Be very well!!!!!!
