It goes without saying, that my memory is quite different from that of the average neuro-typical. I do not immediately pick out the important things that need to be remembered. Its challenging for me to distinguish between what is important to remember and what is flotsam and unnecessary.
I had occasion to be a guest at a large dinner party where I engaged in multiple conversations with different people.
A number of points here.
One, during the "gathering" I attempted to put name and occupation to faces. I found that that only worked for people that i actually engaged in conversation for more than two sentences. Plus, there were these two chickies that both had long, light brown hair, were those skinny types and had very non-descript faces. I couldn't even tell you who was who or even there names. They blended together and looked so similar, in my mind..they were and are nothing but a blur.
Two, in order to even have a chat with any one person, they had to be seated very near me. Anyone at the end of the table was completely lost in the lights and sound.
Three, after the event, I replayed various conversations in order to try and pick out what I needed to remember. I was working on compartmentalizing, putting names, to faces, to important talking points.
I would pick a person that I talked with, go over the entire conversation, as much as could be remembered and file away the important things for future use. I would create a mental "memory file" with a picture of the person, family and occupational info and anything else they may have said that I might need later, like where they were born, tattoos, favorite this or that, etc.
Its like that whole dinner and all the words and peoples were one huge, chaotic heap in the middle of the floor and I had to go through, piece by piece and separate, compartmentalize each person and their words.
I think NTs do this naturally. When talking with one of them, they probably automatically can pick out what is important and know where it is located and put it with the appropriate person who said it. I cannot. It takes a concerted amount of effort to go through this heap.
For example, I told K that I would send in my sons prosthetic for her to see once it was done being worked on. I needed to remember that. Another one, B said she would be sending me recipes in the email via a mutual friend. And B is the gluten free one who has two kids and will be working with the peer support new group. Big J was amused by my comment of "I hope no one will watch me eat" and proceeded to stare at me as a joke. This may come up in some future conversation. L is a special ed teacher who has a daughter Els age and I can't remember where I know her from so I should pursue that. This person and that person had two kids. That one was from Indianapolis and those three are homegrown spuds. This one has a relative born with one hand, like my youngest. That one works at the high school while the one over there is at the alternative school. That one is pregnant, the other is getting married for the third time.
Looking back, they seem like such little mundane things but what if I had forgotten I told K I would send it in? What if I thought that one was the one from out of town? Or that this one is the one who is single and not with the two kids? Overall, I didn't make many promises to keep, but I really didn't know that until I replayed the conversations a number of times.
I cannot tell you how many times I have forgotten, failed to pick out important points in a conversation and seriously regretted it or got reamed up and down for being so forgetful.
People like it when you remember that their favorite stone, ring is sapphire or that they have a cute lizard tattoo on their ankle or that they would love nothing more than a tattoo of Jesus on the side of their neck.
NT's like it when you remember birthdays and important dates, things you promised or said you would do. And memory, a cohesive one anyway, does not come naturally to me, but if I think about it, go over chats a few times, I usually can pick out the important points and put them in a place where I can locate them later.
My internal organization system, if you can call it that, has been self-developed. It works for me. :)
