I have noticed that I have been using the word "safe" quite a lot in some previous posts. So, since I "go literal" and mean exactly what the dictionary says, and since Most Nts have individualized and highly subjective dictionaries of their own that they use...allow me to explain myself....
Safe: free from danger, damage, harm
(and why is it such a big deal for me?)
I feel safe at my home. I feel safe in my own yard, but venture outside of that perimeter, well, anything can happen and safe level drops considerably.I feel safe in my own home, but only when someone else/ another family member is home with me. (a separate issue that I am working on). I feel relatively safe within my own vehicle. This last week, I felt safe in a strange, foreign environment, to a large degree for hours on end. The latter would be a big first for me.
I feel somewhat safe at my sons school, going for walks in my woods, going to the grocery stores and other local businesses...relatively, somewhat with the biggest unpredictability factor being people.
The more people that there are at any given location, the more likely it is that I will be unexpectedly accosted. (For the uninitiated the dictionary states accost: to approach and speak) I never know who will accost/ speak to me...people talking to me often, though, not necessarily always (I have a number of friends who speak to me and I welcome it and experience no fear) cause me to physically and mentally tense up, go on point, get defensive and basically, stress out. Its just the way it is. I feel that i have covered the whole people talking to me and why it is a stress in some recent, previous posts, so I will not rehash here.
New and strange locations are the biggest offenders as the variables are completely unknown and anything can happen at any moment. So, it surprised me that I felt so almost completely safe during my recent venture. And I really, really like feeling safe. Its nothing but a warm, comforting glow that engulfs and stabilizes. I think it is pretty cool that I get to periodically experience what most people feel on any given day.
One huge factor is the company I keep. Wherever I go with my Partner (and we have traveled quite a bit throughout the US) I experience a stronger level of safe than if I were alone. On my little tripy, I was with someone who I also deeply trusted. Environment..the company I keep is a very large indicator of how safe this Aspie will feel.
I realize now, that feeling safe is a given for most...and that my level of feeling that some people, new environments, different smells and unusual feels are dangerous is outside the normal scope.
I am aware that most NTs walk around wearing a degree of comfortability and that they don't worry that behind a closed door lurks anything other than the safe and familiar. I understand that when someone walks towards them they do not recoil or throw up defensive walls or start searching for the exit. And that every knock on the door is not an intruder, a threat, an accoster..it may just be someone handing out free cookies and milk. Who would have thought?
Its a strange and unpredictable place out there...but its not quite as dangerous and menacing as it was a couple of weeks ago...
Home is safe but once I step outside that door, past the end of my driveway, anything and everyone can happen and the entire ballgame changes. Call it social anxiety, agoraphobia, fear of peoples, general anxiety, whatever, its just the way it is
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