One of the subjects I discussed with my Eldest Aspie son in the prison visiting room today, was the sad fact that Aspies need peoples. I'm not sure why this is so troubling to admit and I must say it is irritating and somewhat infuriating. Why do we need something, due to our inability to make sound choices and decisions based on our Aspie brains that don't always see the scope of events and the consequences of our actions.
Our ability to reason....is different and often not fully capable of predicting our actions, the plausible reactions of others or outcomes.
It's tough to admit fragility and inadequacy. I was so, like, born alone and fully equipped to live peacefully and successfully on the island of my choice, but no, I must acquiesce and play with the big peoples and its a bitch to admit I need someone else guidance or their advice or thoughts on a matter.
Because I cannot soundly judge the consequences of my own actions....dammit. Seems like such a handicap.
And it's not even that I need one friend or sounding board, no, I need at least two. Yeah, like the challenges of trying to maintain one friendship was not enough. No, there must be more than one.
Having only one trusted friend is what put Eldest in prison. We discussed that and agreed that we need the help and assist of others and we Must fucking open ourselves up and trust and talk and Reveal our selves and who We are so we don't fuck up too badly and end up behind bars.
What a load of pure shit.
I only wish others had a smidgen of an inkling as to the amount of work, effort, sweat and tears that goes into trying to make a single fucking relationship work. This seems sooo fricking unreasonable. Yeah, let's take someone who has tremendous difficulty even undertaking a pseudo relationship and make them need and have to have at least two sound, compassionate, non carbonated, helping and caring souls in their life just to get thru this thing called daily life.
Really? Once again...I cry Foul
That's like the only job for a one handed man is perpetually tying shoes.
I cannot find a way around this. I know my brilliant capacity for reason is flawed. This is a given and I hate givens especially when they Suck.
Each relationship/ friendship is a ticking time bomb to be handled with the utmost care at all times. One little slip up and, you guessed it, BOOOM! Been there, done that dozens of times, it really, really sucks and hurts.
Can I sign up for the easy plan now? Really, seriously, give me a fucking break here.
Is there anything that is quasi easy? Anything? One thing...other than curling into a ball or living a hermitage lifestyle.
I'm tired of playing with the fucking fire here. Can I pretty fucking please have one small aspect of my life be easy??? Pick one...ANY ONE
It doesn't matter how upset it makes me...I will speak the truth. It's true that every Aspie should have two to three friends with whom they can be completely comfortable so that they may share their inner most thoughts and ideas. If I could be so bold...it is imperative. I don't like it one bit but experience, lots and lots of experience, shows me this to be extremely true...head hangs low in realization
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