This morning I went to grab the recyclables to toss to the curb and I made a huge mistake in judgement. Instead of grabbing just one tub full, I grabbed both. As I reached for the second one, a large glass container willfully spilled out and crashed, shattered on the garage floor.
Whilst I understand that in the ordinary NT world this is nothing more than a small annoyance, in my autistic world this is mega. I overreact with my first thought being, "I will never do this again!" in reference to the Whole recycling thing.
Shattered glass is soooo upsetting. Even with fastidious sweeping, I never have the sense that I have retrieved and disposed of every little shard. If this would have happened in the house, I would have swept a few times, followed by wet paper towel swipes over the entire area. I frequently will change clothes, lest any pieces flew and were embedded in my clothing. Shoes and socks come off as well. For days I will feel insecure and like anytime I walk in the affected area, I will get poked.
Breaking glass, okay, maybe it relates back to when I was four and had that large chunk embedded in my foot....or maybe it simply scares me into the reality that the world is extremely unpredictable and any move could result in pain and injury.
I'll probably go back out to the garage a couple more times to sweep. Scary thing is....I will find more pieces.
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