Wounds Run Deep and Are Slow to Heal

I avoid getting hurt by others, their actions and words, whenever possible. I work at not hurting my self by keeping extensive, detailed lists in my head of incidents which have caused me pain. Every year, the lists grows expedentially, to the point where it's safest and easiest just to stay home and do as little as possible.

Part of the oversensitivity issue, is having been bron with a plethora of sensory neurons due to my autism. I've used the phrase, "a pinprick is like a small stab wound," due to the increased intensity I physically feel. My understanding is that most NT's just feel it as a pinprick. That's a simple synopses of what physical pain entails. I feel to a much greater degree.

I can easily recall the time I was out standing by a tree and this little, minuscule bug bit me in the middle of my index finger. It stung like a bee sting, thus I started always walking around out doors with my hands in my pocket lest it happen again.

Cars and kitchens are the two places I most have lists about. The kitchen is a highly complex place with different temperatures from high burn to freezer cold. I try and monitor my every move to avoid getting burned by the toaster oven or stove top. Once burned, forever remembered and burns are one of the most intense injuries, even when small.

Cars,well, it seems to be the biggest issue with that is running into doors. The majority of my bumps and bruises come from entering and exiting the car. Almost like I am moving too quickly and not fully connected/grounded in my body. Funny thing is, though, because I am in movement it's easier for me to forget about minor injuries. Hmmm, interesting. Like my mind doesn't have enough time to stop and grasp the pain, so it just moves on.

People hurt when they say unkind things or laugh and make fun of. My therapist tells me I have an eidetic or photographic memory so when I recall previous transgressions, they appear so real as if they were happening directly in front of me. Not only do I get hurt in the initial transgression, but my mind forms one of those loops, whereby I play the scene over and over and over again to try and understand it and ensure it never happens again. Each time I play it...a fresh wound. Hurt me once and I go back for seconds and thirds and fourths.

In rethinking this issue, the reverse is also true....Good Deeds are forever Bright, Sparkling Moments that also get a lot of "screening time" and many replays. Hmmm...must remember to focus more on These:)

Ah, the Aspie mind.....

Once hurt, it's very hard to forget, much less forgive. Some days there are not enough band aids.

The lists grows.....and I feel quite helpless to stop it. Yes, I avoid pain whenever possible.