Privacy and Anonymity

I have noticed that many Aspies, my self and son included, have a need for extreme privacy. At first, I thought it was just me who was escaping the dreaded biological family of insanity and abuse, but my son was never abused. My online Aspie friends were not all abused either. There is a passion for privacy that goes beyond any reason. I thoroughly respect each individuals privacy on their level.

I don't let just anyone into my house or my yard...they are both extensions of me, mine, no one enters without a security check or invite. Ok, kinda joking about the security check, but I am quite selective in who I let in.

I used to use a post office box instead of my street address...for years. I have used aliases from time to time. I have purposely....misled peoples on forms, the phone and in person, to protect this sacred thing called privacy, mine and personal space.

I do not touch other peoples belongings, from the knickkacks on their table to their coats or cars without express permission. I decorated a friends office for her birthday last year. The biggest mighty challenge was in actually touching and moving her office belongings. I had to repeatedly, repeatedly ask her best friend if it was okay to touch or move this or that. Even with permission, I felt like I was doing something terribly wrong. I had to keep convincing myself that I had permission and it was okay to do. Dang, gives me palpitations of wrongdoing just to think about it. Yikes.

Eldest and Meself have both gotten extremely agitated and angered when someone has touched or slightly moved one of our prized gewgaws. I wasn't sure I could handle having a cleaning lady come in and clean because she would be touching all my stuff. Cleaning lady turned out to be a remarkable kind, caring and trustworthy being...whew...,cause a housekeeping goddess, I ain't.

Honestly, it took me years to get somewhat comfortable in the house that Partner paid for and built. I think for the first few years, I minded my p's and q's and secured little spaces that I felt at ease using. I said nothing but agreement whenever she wanted to do this or that, paint this color or buy that couch...because the house did not belong to me. I had no rights, in my own head.

Because I value anonymity, I rarely use anyone's real name. My Partner, Eldest and Younglink are my mate of 17 years, my oldest son and my littlest son, respectively. It took Partner quite awhile to understand and respect my privacy in regards to touching and moving my belongings. Of course, it didn't help that I was unable to Verbalize my needs and wishes. She has learned, mostly.

As Partner respects my things, thus and so I respect hers. It's just common sense and an innate part of who I am.

The most egregious event, that comes to mind, is when I was working for an elderly neighbor couple. I was indoors working with the Mrs. and Mr. went outside, Into My Car to roll up the windows on the pretense that it might rain. I was beyond livid when he said this and quit the job within the week. I felt totally violated and ceased trusting the Mr., like, Forever. You just Do Not ever get into my car or touch anything of mine, Ever. Yeah, I still carry some ire and resentment on that front.

I've noticed that few Aspies use photos of themselves on Facebook, preferring an anonymous scene or pretty picture. When I first started fb, I did the exact same thing. It's just the way we operate. As a member of the Aspergers community (in good standing, I hope) I ask that you take special care with your Aspie friends and their need for discretion and privacy. Please respect their boundaries, even though you may not understand them. In our heads, extreme privacy makes good sense.