I've been well enough to get out more, waiting room, grocstore, errands and church. I am figuring out that one of the reasons the social environment is sooo painful, is that I see too much.
I see the long-married couples who can barely stand to be next to each other. I mean, are people happy like that? In relationships in which both parties look pained and as if they were two strangers who hated each other and they are forced to live together...to what end? Is this for the kids, the inlaws, work, status or simply because they don't believe in divorce and are big on long-suffering? Am I the only one who sees the eye rolls, the pushing aways, lack of kind words, caring touch or talking as if the other doesn't exist? Sad.
I see the people who are struggling, bogged down in diseases of body and mind, the addicts that can't sit still, the elders who strain to hear and walk with great distress. It's hard to see others hurt. And I don't think they know...let me rephrase that...They wear their pain for the sensatives (people like me, autistics without filters, those who care and can't make it stop) to see. I try to look away, look down, out the window, as there is only so much hardship I can witness. It's a helpless feeling, to see suffering and not be able to say or do anything.
I observe those intrinsically lost within themselves. They are pretty easy to spot because I often dwell inside, also. I know the signs...it's like looking in a mirror.
Kinda haunted by one elderly gentleman I was near. His eyes just begged for...I don't know...assistance, salvation, a way out of his pain.
There is a reason, heck, a number of reasons I don't go out. These are just the two major ones that struck me more than once this week.
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