I wasn't sure what to title this post. The first thing that came to mind was, "Problems in Therapy": then "Issues in Therapy". Then I figured that I'm just getting darn uncomfortable with some changes that have been taking place the past few sessions. I know only others with DID will get it but I want to address this.
My biggest beef is that I feel less control over what is said and done in session. There's this new type of...unpredictability that is causing me concern and I just don't like it. Previously, I could have a vague or not-so-vague notion of what will be discussed. Now, I may have a half-a-glimpse, be completely clueless and totally shocked by what gets revealed situation.
Gosh, part of me is like, man, that was immature or outrageous or a little scary.
And I always come away with, "I had no fucking idea that that happened!" It's disconcerting, depressing, confusing, disjointed.
I thought I had dealt with all the shame...but today, I found more. Nough said.
I have to, have to trust Therapist so much more. And I have to trust the previously unseen parts of me that have never seen daylight, to behave appropriately, whatever that means.
So, yeah, it boils down to me being really uncomfortable and more out-of-control. I'm getting anxiety returning in, go figure.
Very unsettling. I don't like it a single bit.
