I've known for quite some time that my ability to form meaningful, substantial relationships with people is seriously flawed. It takes a tremendous amount of energy and intellect to figure out how to coexist with another human.
On the other hand, I readily form deep attachments to objects. My car, Lady Abigail, is the perfect example. The times that I have had to leave her at the service station for repair, feel a like nothing short of separation anxiety. I worry and fret whether she will be okay. I look sadly at her empty parking spot feeling forlorn.
I feel so lost and alone without her nearby. Quite honestly, I attribute feelings to her as well. I think she might be afraid or scared and wants to be home with me whilst she's gone. Logically, I know it's silly to harbor such thoughts. But it's important to note that this Aspie can form meaningful relationships, just with things instead of people.
I guess this subject took front stage because my son knocked over one of my plants. It tumbled down the stairway and landed in pieces on the floor. Immediately I started to cry. I was overcome with the grief and distress my innocent, beloved plant must be feeling. I was sad at the injustice, as, after all, it had done nothing to warrant such egregious injury.
My son was taken aback by my tears and I wasn't able to articulate my feelings without fear of ridicule.
Looking back, strong attachment to objects has been a constant for me, as has the inability to have and maintain people relationships. It kind of feels like a trade-off. As long as I have my plants, my car and my half dozen comfort objects, I don't feel lonely.
I'm learning to be more accepting of the way my Autistic mind and human heart work. It may be different but it works for me.
(I was going to post a photo of Jade and her injury but I deemed it too sad.)
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