At first glance, I was thrilled to see a show full of Adult Autistics. They did a good job of representing the whole range of the Spectrum from the "normal" appearing Aspies to the mildly verbal ones. I shared a little commonality with this one and that one, and i thoroughly could relate to the entire film. That is anomalous.
Usually, I turn on a tv or watch a movie and it is all neurotypical. Here, here was something completely different, a show about others like me.
Then, about halfway through, tears. I found myself crying. The individuals were describing how they only discovered they were Autistic when a spouse or partner pointed out their odd behaviors.
Aspies cannot self-see that they are Aspies; that they are quite different in a majority of subtle ways. But I saw it. I saw the deficiency. I saw the slow on the uptake, confused lostness, and naivete. I saw the challenges of holding a job, being in a relationship, going to school, and getting through an ordinary day.
It's like people run a marathon, uphill, carrying motorized scooters and not realizing there was an easier way. Not seeing their own struggle. Mistaking it for normal.
I looked it the rare uncovered mirror and I was saddened to my core. If I ever ventured out of my isolated existence, that is how I might appear to others, stupid, slow, with a glaze of perpetual confusion plastered on my face.
I continue to walk around, in the dark, holding a burned out candle and having no clue how to ask for a match.
Grief. I felt grief.
The movie is well done in presenting a wide variety of Autistics in their own words. My feelings are a mixed bag of trash and treasure.
