Having a Friend

My friend was going on vacation and I offered to drive her the hour and a half to Portland so she didn't need to take a shuttle bus. This relatively small act affected me in a big.

It was the first big kindness that I was capable of doing to help her. She does many favor helps for me like taking me to church and potlucks. It felt very rewarding to be able to return a favor. Because I used to drive my son to PDX airport, I was very familiar with the route and what to expect. I think it was the first time ever that I had been able to drive there and back without getting nervous driving in Portland with a metro population of over 2 million.

And because I hadn't had a friend in seven years, I had forgotten how good and warm it felt to assist someone.

All the way there we talked back and forth easily. She doesn't make me tired or exhausted. She even makes me laugh a lot. It has been a long time since I had someone to joke and josh with. It felt very nice.

One friend has changed my world, opened it up and made it available. I can go to church, group events, potlucks, which I was unable to do before meeting her.

I feel good these days. And I am trying new things.

Being brave. Being Autistic one has to be brave and courageous often. I see that more clearly now. 

I am happy these days. It's brand new and I'm getting used to the warmth of it.

Doing New Things, What's a Potluck?

So, I went to my first potluck in many moons. To comprehend this issue correctly let's define it. What exactly is the definition of "potluck"? What is it? Yeah, I'm Aspie. I ask myself these things.

Webster says: Potluck- used in reference to a situation in which one must take a chance that whatever is available will prove to be good or acceptable. I actually did not know that. I erroneously attributed it to a pilfering of the word "potlatch" from Native American culture. I must have been an airheaded teen when I first heard the term "potluck" around the same time I was learning about the "potlatch" ceremony. My bad. Two completely different things.

Potluck is referring to a not-too-serious gamble of whether or not something there will be food that is good or not. Something I might like or might not like.

A potluck is when a group of people get together and each one brings a dish with many portions, to share. Since I did not know what to bring, I asked my friend. She said my pumpkin muffins were good. And I asked if that was enough or should I bring something additional to share. A muffin seemed like a small offering. She assured me that just the muffins would be fine.

I knew that I probably would not eat a single strange, foreign, mysterious food item that I had not cooked myself, so I was glad I really enjoy my muffins and that they were my chosen item.

The only way that I could attend this event involved a lot of forethought and work. My friend actually volunteered one time when we were hanging out. I had mentioned this group and that I was too nervous to attend events that intruiged me. She volunteered! I didn't even ask her or think to ask her! Okay. That put the idea of going to a group function on the table as a very new potential possibility. 

Next, because my friend was not a member of the group as I was, I had to figure out who and how to ask if I can bring a non member to this event. I put out a small request on the social media site asking a group administrator to please message me privately. I did not wish for my odd query to be public. The following day an administrator wrote back. I explained my situation. She needed to confer with others and would then notify me. Okay.

Then I got nervous and felt stupid. Stupid for asking such a dumb question. I heavily debated deleting my message question and just forget about the whole thing or waiting for the inevitable rejection.

The next morning I awoke to a most surprising response. Based on the fact that this administrator knew I was Autistic (I had mentioned it to her once) she conferred with the other administrator and they agreed that I was entitled or allowed to have a "support person" attend the event with me. Who knew?!!!

I was stunned that I was giving such consideration and respect. Yes, stunned. I was happy and bemused. 

A few days later, the actual potluck took place. I'm so thrilled and grateful for my friend as there is no way that I would have been able to attend this new event, in a strange location, amongst a dozen foreigners I'd only encountered online. 

I stuck close to my friend intensely for the first 30-40 minutes. Then I decided to start venturing out little bits here and there, sporadically engaging in short conversations. After a bit of that, I would return to the security of my anchor, beside my friend.

It really was nothing short of amazing all the amount of thought and effort and bravery that went into this grand new adventure!!

It really does take one single kind caring person to change my entire world.

I will attend more events with my friend until I am comfortable enough to be on my own.

Too many conversations in two hours

I must look approachable and friendly these days. After the last two hours I'm completely overwhelmed. These are my interactions:

Talking with my barista.

Five minute conversation with the nice yard man, lawnmobatista.

Five minutes of info gathering, exchanging, filling out forms with the receptionist. 

Twenty minutes discussing my medication.

Another convo with another batista Because I Just Needed Another. As well as a chat with the order taker.

Brief talk with a cashier.

The woman behind me in line gave me compliments and wanted to engage. 

I am learning how to talk to myself without moving my lips because it looks a lot like crazy, and I'd rather not.

After the lady in the checkout line, I got into my car and started spewing, talking a lot to myself to disperse, debrief, calm down, get grounded again, and I just couldn't help it.

I feel like I ran a half marathon but it was just talk, and the stress that arises from too many interactions and nor enough space in between them.

At home, coffee and a need for chocolate.

I will not leave my domicile for awhile. I could probably go hide under the covers in bed which would be soothing but I also went to the grocery store earlier and have some serious food preparation to do.

Yikes

People

Talking

Stop

Okay

Breathe

People Talking Too Loud

I attended my annual review at the local health department. I was greeted by a staff member who said we had met before a few years back ergo she probably remembered I had Aspergers.

In her office it quickly became clear that she was intentionally talking in an overly loud voice. This is not new. I have frequently encountered others who upon knowing of my Autism feel that being Autistic must make me a little deaf in this ear or that and they will talk in an exaggerated and loud manner. 

My kind landlord has always done this and I have yet to gumption the courage to talk her down and ask her to lower her voice to a normal level.

I was encouraged to speak up with this staff worker as the acoustics in her tiny office provoked me to desire to cover both ears tightly with both hands. I waited till she finished a sentence and then I struck: Could you lower your voice a little, please?

She readily complied. I breathed a huge inner sigh of relief. Such acts of bravery are few and far in-between for thee.

I am so grateful, proud and pleased that I could speak for myself, out loud, and make a mandatory event less painful.

One thing I consciously did do was try to surmise whether her voice was naturally loud by nature (like a couple of my elderly neighbors) or if she was doing it due to my Autism. It did require a few minutes of careful listening to determine it probably but not positively was due to my Aspergers. The manner in which she easily slid into a non-loud tone told me I was most likely correct. Heck, a normal speaking voice does not rattle the walls.

So, that is one aspect to consider as it would be offensive to ask of someone who usually moderated in that tone. 

It is not uncommon for others to speak to me in a louder-than-normal voice upon learning I am Autustic.

It is acceptable to politely ask someone to lower their voice, too.

Feeling brave. Hooray!

I'm so funny weird. Aspergers and Conversation

Conversations are...

u can't be afraid to be alone when you were born to be alone

Autism vs Neurotypical in a nutshell

Playing with Legos at 30 and at 60

This is so much amazing fun! Omg!! It has been a long long time since I've played and put together a Lego set. The instructions are so clear. The amount of new, never seen before pieces is incredible!! I had no idea Lego has evolved this far!! 

Dream job, put together Lego sets all day😊😁❤️👍!

And this next story is actually true:

Autistic me did not know Lego existed until I went to the toy aisle after my oldest son was born. I was 30 when I remember seeing and buying my first Lego set. I was enthralled with the knights and the forest guys!

Growing up, we never had toys with small parts in the house because there was always one, usually two, siblings under 3.

I rarely ever was allowed to play at other kids houses. I rarely was invited to other's birthday parties which would have required a trip to the toy aisle. I don't even ever recall looking at the toys when shopping with mom at Meijer. It just wasn't allowed. We were quite poor.

I am Autistic and I see just the closest, nearest things with my vision. I am limited in things, words, social stuff because I rarely venture out of the safe, predictable what-I-already-know realm. 

Anyway, if you sense this overwhelming excitement at these awesome toys, some part of that indeed is that they are still relatively new to me. 😊