I really like it. I have no expectations and no one to answer to. I'm not working to appease or please anyone but me. I sleep, eat, dress and do whatever I fancy. I've found out a lot about me. I like who I am.
There is no hurry, no stress or worry. I don't believe I have ever, ever been in this place before.
I've been rudimenting...happily on some recent experiences. I have been making peace and understanding the part of me that was three years old and disconnected from the outside world. I comprendo. Normal likes noise. Most people seem to relish or have become accustomed to incessant, irritating noise, televisions and such. Ninety percent of my alonetime has been in absolute silence, save the sound of my own breath and quiet murmurings to myself. I like quiet.
My appetite and sleep "schedule" are still very skewed due to the Lyme D. Seems I wait until dawn to even attempt anything resembling sleep. Methinks Lyme + nightly childhood incest are equally responsible for the heavy insomnia.
I eat when hungry and sleep whenever, as long as its after dawn.
I realized that I am attractive, fun, niceable, desirable and a very good, caring person.
I found someone who cares and loves me For No Reason...not to use, abuse, manipulate or tower over. It's earth shattering, heaven quaking and extremely cool.
I can feel love....another newbie as the mechanism for lovelove was previously seriously broken, busted, clogged and not at all working. I spend a lot of time in this awareness.
Angels walk the earth, in human form. I should know, I've met at least two.
Trust is a two-handled glass. Trust is the basis of any good, healthy relationship. I almost lost someone I cared very much about. It wasn't that her handle on the glass was slipping, rather, due to questionable circumstances, I was getting ready to release the handle on my end. I did not want this relationship to end and addressed the issue much satisfactorily. I feel good about that.
I'm not afraid of ticks or going outdoors. I refuse to allow fear to run my life anymore. I have a new regiment that includes tick checks, insect repellant and better hygienic practices.
I know not what tomorrow brings, but I ain't gonna worry about it.
I'm adopting healthier mental attitudes as well.
Since my medication disallows exposure to sunshine, I took Lady Abigail, my SUV, to the shaded cemetery and walked a bit till it became too hot. It's been around 90 the past couple of days.
What I notice most these past few days....calmness and absence of rush. I feel pretty darn pleasant, overall:)
Just wanted to share. Thanks for reading:)