Having recently been submerged in the tornadic autistic shutdown, I'd like to offer a description of how it feels...
It starts off as small waves of anxiety, building layer by layer with fear, uncertainty and thinly veiled, indescribable emotions. I can feel it building like watching a pot of water starting to boil.
There is no break, no respite, as the waves start building faster, faster, more furious until they reach a monster wave that hangs frozen in the air above me. I start to melt. Water droplets begin falling from my eyes at sporadic times, often gushing with a thought, a word, an action. The wave simply hangs until I can find someone to talk to, vent with, someone that can hear me and understanding my sobbing, garbled, gesture ridden words.
As I describe the feelings inside, the torrent of twisted thought and emotion, the tsunami comes crashing down, violent at first then abating into medium, then smaller, more manageable waves.
I'm a wash, feeling wasted, trashed, exhausted and crashed. The big wave dissipates; the pot over boiling with water and steam abates, dies down and I am left stranded on a desolate beach, thoroughly exhausted, sand in my ears, nose, everywhere.
I am alone and the sky is cloudy; the waters have calmed and I cry.
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