Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

What does it feel like to have MPD? Multiple Personality Disorder/DID

First off, it means that a series of traumatic, abusive, horrific and overwhelming events happened to you, damaging your sense of self and splitting off various ego states along with the memories of the incidents.
These memories will slowly/quickly/ unexpectedly come back, at some point, in the form of flashbacks, in which you will find yourself reliving the trauma. Sometimes I can see, physically feel, hear sounds and words, even smell what the event was like way back when it first happened.
Often, I wake up in the morning, the middle of the night, after a nap, and have to orient myself to where I am, what city, is it day or night, what was I doing before I lay down, what is on the agenda of things needing doing, when was the last time I ate, is it time for meds? Usually not all at once, maybe 3-5 of those most times I awake.
It feels like I'm wearing my body like an ill-fitted suit. It can feel too big, awkward, clumsy or even robotic and it's movements are completely out of my control.
Sometimes I can feel my lips moving but I can't hear the words. I frequently and without any forethought refer to myself as "us" or "we". I don't consider myself a singular person, rather a group of related individuals varying in age from early childhood, toddler, preteen, teenager, young adults and adults, Littles (for those under 10; teens for, well, the teenage parts of me, aka "alters" for alternate personalities and Bigs, for anyone over 21.

When I switch/change into another personality, my vision change and colors may suddenly look very bright, dull and fuzzy, or crystal clear.
I've had numerous times where I've tried saying certain words and they sound like a child's vocabulary instead of an adults. I can suddenly start stuttering, stammering or go completely mute at any second, mostly just in therapy.
Sometimes it feels like I'm looking out through someone else's eyes.
It's not a normal daily life by any means. These are just some of the ways that I think being a multiple is different from being a singleton.
It's not bad or awful, just different.


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