My Doctor Thinks....

In one of my many...medical journeys this past week, a doctor remarked that it appeared I was coming down with rosacea, a common skin condition in which the forehead and cheeks take on a ruddy, reddish complexion.
At the time I agreed that it was possible and would pursue it further with my family doctor if need be...
Well, it must have taken me 3-4 hours to realize that my forehead was excessively red because I routinely rub the area in question as a self-soothing mannerism when I am stressed. Yeah, its been that kind of week.
I had to smile

More Ways Neuro-Typicals Torture Us

I keep reminding myself that, yes, I know I am an alien in their world...but, they are so darn good at making my life miserable with their circus-like antics and I simply must file yet another report on it.
Some neuro-typicals (nt) have a tendency to talk way too much and they don't know when to stop. At this stage, in my game, I no longer put up with it. I will either a)put my hands in the "time-out" position (its like a T) and walk out of the room. b) I will roll my eyes and throw up my hands and start sputtering. c) I will find a very vague excuse to leave the room. d) I will verbally clue them to move on.
Enough already. My tolerance for incessant chatter has long flown out the window along with my patience.

The other thing, some nts do....they ask vague open-ended questions or try squeezing three questions into one and like, expect me to try and figure it all out.
Clue for the nt...ask one very specific question at a time...not a biggie here, folks.
I try and remember that as a species, the nts tend to throw words around without much regard so is it so much to ask that they put a little bit of thought into their inquiries? I think not
The world of the nt is quite vague and tough to navigate. I like things clear and easy to understand, literally.
As I have to suddenly work with a variety of nts on an almost daily basis, their flaws and my Aspergian thinking seem to clash and misunderstandings are commonplace.
I long for simple clarity and a meeting of the minds. Gosh, I happen to enjoy conversations when they are productive and comprehensible.
The only thing that is clear, these days, is how very different our two species are

The Aloneness...... Aspergers Syndrome and Loneliness

If there is one thing, that I believe a person with aspergers understands much more than the standard neuro-typical it is the intense feeling of aloneness. And maybe, hopefully, I am wrong and some aspies do not experience the brevity and depth of what it feels like to know that no matter where or with whom, you are flying solo.
Eldest and I have discussed this issue at length....we know that we are born alone and have a deep understanding of it.
Aspergers Syndrome is a disassociate state of being...always one step removed from reality
Anyway, this is the beginning of my photo essay album...I miss you

Mozart and the Whale...a movie review Aspegers on film

"People with Aspergers want contact with other people very much. We're just pathetically clueless at it." Donald Morton, Mozart and the Whale quote
I recently tracked down the 2005 movie Mozart and the Whale. Its central characters are two mid-20 people who both have Aspergers Syndrome. It is a fictional movie based on real life.
Josh Harnett plays Donald, a self-sufficient young man who is fascinated with numbers and can visualize formulas and maps in his head. He has a hard time holding down a job and runs a self-help type of drop-in center to alleviate his loneliness.
It is there that he meets Isabelle, a more out going, out spoken wild child who actually has really good eye contact and by most appearances has a subtler form of Aspergers.
Isabelle to Donald, "You can't disappoint me. Because whatever you are is exactly what I want."
I think that is what I liked best about this movie...it portrays not just a single autistic individual, but two people with varying symptoms and characteristics.
This movie will fall into that "You really should check this out" section of movies to watch to discover what Aspergers is in its varying degrees.
I highly recommend it.
Personally, this movie was easier for me to watch than Adam. Adam hit much closer to home as it was like i was looking into a mirror for the very first time. It startled and saddened me to get a glimpse of how I sometimes appear to other people. I do recommend Adam as well, its just a tough one for me but highly accurate.
One of the issues that struck me for some odd reason, was that I realized there are definitely times when another persons help is needed. I think I continue to struggle with asking for help, just not so vehemently as say, a couple of years ago. People need people, Aspie or not. (OOuuu, I better sit down...thats tough to admit.)
Anyway, see the movie...tell me what you think...recommend it to your family friends...Nough Said. Thanks

I Love Legos.....WTF???

Okay, will someone please tell me why a half-grown, forty something woman would like nothing more then to clear out an entire room and buy every single Lego kit available?? And spend her days lost in a world of tiny, small plastic red, and yellow bricks, paltry plastic flowers of blue and robotic looking peoples with fake follicles and cheerful little grins?
Why has the latest Lego catalog..the first one I have seen in years...caused me to ponder such irrational thinking as to...hmmm..if I win the Mega Millions I could have a whole house full of every Lego kit every made. I could have a gazillion of the little figures...which are so fricking cute...and definitely I would be able to purchase the 400$ Star Wars Death Star with 24 figures...no sweat.
Maybe it is due to my toy-less childhood, my Gemini youthful charisma or it could be my deeply hidden playful nature...who knows? I never saw a Lego until I was in my late 20's after I had Eldest. The first pack I purchased was those fun loving green Forest Peoples and their tree house fortress. Man, was that cool!! They even had one..yes, count it..one little forest wench with the prettiest shade of red lipstick...she really knew how to handle them forest boys!! And I didn't buy it for my then 16 month old son...hack no...he was too young...I bought it strictly for me. Ok, so I did let him play with them. He did display genius qualities even back at 16 months for he took all the little figures..ripped off their heads and made a totem pole completely out of Lego heads. Damn, that thing was so cute!! And even at his age, he never once put a Lego in his mouth. Ahhh, he realized their magic powers back then as well(or how upset momma would be if even one mindless castle minion lost a limb or crossbow):)
So, they do actually have this insanely large and intricate Death Star (over 3,000 and with a video that shows how to put it together...sounds like a fun weekend) with 24 figures..seriously. Now, if I had 400$ sitting around and all the bills were paid and the credit cards too, and the pantry was overflowing...would I buy it? Hell Yes!!
And they have this new "Architectural Series" with mini replicas of the Sears Tower, Hancock Building, Empire State Building, Guggenheim and Frank Lloyd Wrights Falling Water house that are absolutely fascinating. (You can practically feel the frenzy of my obsessive excitement..can't you?...and yes, I am almost drooling)
And, please keep this a secret, I would like to collect all the Toy Story figures (only the adorable figures as the buildings are quite lame)...I mean, a miniature Bullseye that I could put on my dash or above my sink and stare at his loving little cute face all day??? C'mon
Yeah, I must admit that if it were financially possible, I would collect all of the figures and only some of the kits...Yeah, a couple hundred little guys and gals and critters littering my house, hiding in plants, fighting in the fridge, doing...hmmm god knows what under the couch, having parties on my kitchen table, staring at my as they surround my bathtub, hanging from lamps and the chandelier...yeah, I could do it. :)
Okay, so I would pick up the Death Star, all the architectural buildings and definitely, most definitely the entire castle series....Dang. A girl can dream.
So I have enjoyed the Forest Peoples (they seem like such peaceful folk), the Ice Raiders with their blue and orange were fabulous mostly for their color scheme, the Underwater submarines were a novelty, OMG, the Aliens were so Rad!! Dang, I so wish I had stocked up on those at the time...who wouldn't like their very own Real Flying Saucer with anal probing Aliens??? LMAO
I did have a number of Castle pieces with the knights, horses, and queens. OMG, they do have a couple of keychains that I Will purchase. There is a freaky looking jester in red and white who looks psychotic and a noble king with crown and peaceful, yet stern expression. If I could only get one??? You guessed it...the psychotic jester.
I did previously have a Darth Vader keychain...yeah, me and the Dark Side...we go way, way back. But his light saber kept poking me. Anyway...it seems like I might have had one other keychain that was of short duration...hmmm..keychains are the coolest..small, compact, its like carrying a little friend around in your pants...lmao...OMG, definitely goofin tonite
Anyway, I am quite all revved up over this catalog and need to take a sedative and calm down a bit. I can't remember the last time anything excited me soo...hmmm...I really can't
Life is good...Legos Rock!!!!! Be good to your mother...Word

North Dakota...Street Signs and Turn Signals Optional

I have had a number of moments when I feel that North Dakota should be called Aspieville. For one thing...the natives don't gesture or show affect unless actively engaged. Seriously...it is really hard to get a wave out of some people.
Another Aspiebit...people respect each others space and every single N. Dakotan has a huge personal space...as big and wide as the vistas. They don't pry and if anyone stares at all...it is ever so brief as to be nothing more then a momentary flicker.
I can't read them at all due to the whole lack of affect thing. There is No Drama here, and very little yelling at the kids.
The area, the people, the cows, the animals at the zoo...everyone and everything is sedate, peaceful and I feel like I have swallowed one huge tranquilizer...seriously. Placid would be a great word to describe the overall mood.
Jobs are plentiful with help Wanted signs EVERYWHERE. Reading the local newspaper is a joy..there is scant crime and they write in an intelligable, coherent, no nonsense way. Reading about the local activiteis adn way of life...farm reports are really quite a hoot..its easy to get a flavor for this area...ad it is definitely the most pleasant place that I have ever had the privilage of vacationing.
The views...omg, to say that the landscapes are beautiful is a serious understament. Its quite dreamy, soft, rolling, carpets of color..lavenders, greens of all shades, and every beige, rust and brown imaginable. I had no idea so beauty could exist in one domain.
I feel happy, content, at home, conected, safe, secure and loved in the plains of the heartland.
People are kind and helpful. At first I thought they might be stand-offish but upon closer examination, they are just Dakotans..its their way of life, who they are, how they feel. Nope, I can't read them at all...can't tell you what they are feeling or what could be going on in their lives...are they happy, sad, confused, disillusioned, over worked, under paid, having a good day or bad...they give nothing away.
There is no litter or graffiti anywhere. They don't put a lot of stock, or work into keeping up their public restrooms...very no nonsense and basic.
Oh yeah, street signs are optional...I stayed overnight in a small town of 1,700, Garrison, and there were dozens of small town intersections with absolutely no Stop or yeild signs at all. Now That drove me nuts because I and to stop at everyone. Oh, and they named their streets rather oddly...believe it or not 1st St SE and 1st NW intersected. As did 2nd and 2nd and so on....not a lot of imagination here. Little signs of creativity...no flourish save the remarkable Enchanted Highway with half a dozen ginormous, fanciful metal sculptures.
And yup, turn signals aren't used a whole lot either....I think it depends on which way the ever-present winds are blowing.
I am having a wonderful vacation and just wanted to share some of my musings and observations while they are fresh...the ride continues, as does my journey...tomorrow we start heading back for a couple days in Wisconsin to visit the in-laws...i am definitely going to miss the sights and feel of North Dakota :)

What About Bob? Movie Review, Bill Murray

Okay, if you like a good comedy and can laugh at your own phobias, and your a fan of the fabulous Bill Murray, check out the 1991 flick "What About Bob?"
Bob is a heavily neurotic being who latches on to psychiatrist Dr. Leo Marvin (and his family) played by Richard Dreyfus. Basically Bob think Dr. Leo can help him so he stalks him to his vacation home, gets acquainted and excepted by Dr. Leos wife and kids and loses most of his major phobias.
The first time I watched this movie, way back when, it was challenging because I suffered from many of the same phobias Bob does...agoraphobia, mysophobia (fear of germs, dirt, contamination),aquaphobia (fear of water or drowning), claustrophobia amongst others, so it was a rather sad state of affairs.
This past year I have had the opportunity to watch it again and liked it so much more. One of my favorite characters is "Gill" the goldfish that is Bobs constant travel companion and bestest friend.
I enjoy watching bob overcome his many challenges with just a little help from some kind, compassionate friends, especially Dr. Leos two teenagers who take Bob under their wing. Bob thrives...the phobias abate and it has a happy ending (my favorite) Check it out sometime.... :)