How could I have blindly trusted someone who was treating me as someone far beneath her? She slept on a queen size bed in a king size room while I was worthy of nothing but the living room couch. I didn't deserve a bed or a bedroom and sharing her room was a no-no. I wasn't anywhere near an "equal" in a loving, soul mate relationship, but I was continually manipulated into believing I was an equal partner. Oh, manipulation she excelled at. Making me feel that whenever something went wrong, like the ten thousands of dollars of debt increased, it was all my fault for buying expensive gluten free food not for her spending hundreds and thousands on dirt, rubber stamps and daily donuts and fast food. No, she blamed all her shortcomings and inability to be responsible for her spending on me. I needed to cut back and cut coupons. I was a convenient scapegoat for her unwillingness to handle money in an adult, mature way. As long as she could blame me, she could buy everything and anything she wanted like a child who didn't want to be responsible and was trying to fill the void with the most useless of things.
I trusted and believed that she was treating me with love and fairly and I was the biggest fool. I thought her this kind, benevolent soul when she was nothing but this cold, callous, little child with a chip on her shoulder and a need to step on others without them knowing. Someone completely incapable of caring about anyone other than herself and to narcissistic to even notice or believe her selfish antics were harming her family. The mirror stuck in front of her face allowed her not to see the damage she was causing to her partner and son. Hurting and neglecting them on a daily basis brought her no awareness other than her own needs and wants were being met. She couldn't, wouldn't see how much damage she was causing them and never, ever would for she was never at fault...it was always something, someone else.
She apologized zero times the first ten years because she was never at fault. She could do no wrong. It was always someone else. She apologized 5 times the last 10 years and only with great drama, temper tantrum and because she felt she had to...but really, it wasn't her fault.
How do you move on from someone that invisible, categorically put you down every day for twenty years in sneaky ways? How do you forgive such a selfish asswipe, pull yourself out of the rubble of inferiority and find firm footing and the ability to trust someone again? You tell me because I am a raw wound struggling to understand how one human could treat another human this way and still be able to sleep at night and continuing to hurt others with no remorse.
Yeah, there are people out there, human vampires that stomp and suck the life out of others. Beware.
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