Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Child Prostitute...hit me baby one more time

It was discerning to discover that my dad prostituted me to old men at the neighbor's house when I was 7 years old. I had buried those memories very deeply. It'd be easy to tell myself that it simply wasn't true, if I didn't relive the memory, feel it and see it clearly as day.  Flashbacks can be validating and always inform.
Unsettled feelings about finding this out. My dad trained me to do certain things, like a cocker spaniel, at 7 yrs old, and I was rewarded for my work with cake and coins.
Yeah, it really hasn't sunk in yet. I mean,  I did remember the one instance with the guy at the aluminum and paper recycle place when I was 10. That was gross and grimy but this new stuff was earlier. I don't know how often it happened. Based on current data, it seemed like a commonplace occurance. I was well-trained and never even questioned what I was doing. My dad was truly a master manipulator and he started grooming me while quite young.
Honestly, it was normal, and icky for my dad to molest me. Just a normal every day event. If you experience something practically everyday, you tend to perceive it as normal, especially as a child.
Yeah, I'm still processing this latest piece of shit flashback/ memory.
How did I ever live through this much shit? I'm starting to see the scope of the abuses. The frequency and different type of infractions. The sheer volume is overwhelming. I get it. I survived. I split.
Trying to put the pieces back together, sorting out the intense emotions and depressing feelings, the physical symptoms and painful body memories.
I'm fucking amazing.
Pour me another drink, Maurice. It's going to be another long night.

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