Oy, after not living as a Multiple for 5 months, my system had been carefully shut-down so that we could easily move cross-country, starting therapy means the flashbacks, memories and people/ alters are waking up.
It feels unnerving yet oddly familiar. The anxiety is like hot wires on fire. People want to meet the new therapist now, so I'm working to hold back the flood.
We knew our previous therapist, #2, was a "patch", temporary, as she worked part-time and spoke of retirement. New therapist, #3, is nowhere near retirement and works full-time. We know #3 is the long term therapist that we have been searching for.
I wondering how the pace will change...after the excitement and enthusiasm whereby each get to meet her, wears off. We definitely worked fast and furious because we've known for months that the insurance with #2 was running out. Do things slow down and get dealt with thoroughly? Will there be breathing room between major memories? As I recall, there were no breaks these past few years that didn't last more than a week.
I'll be inquiring as to whether or not insurance will allow, and therapist 3 would agree, to a longer session. In therapy, there is a 5-20 minute intro before I'm able to switch into memory mode. Of even more importance is that I require 5-15 minutes to put myself back together. If the intro and exit take 30 minutes or so, I'm left with 20-25 minutes of actual DID work. That's not much.
I'll ask if 90 minute sessions would be available or not. Either way, it's going to take me some time to adjust to appointments and manage people.
Seriously, my life revolves around caring for my son and managing my autistic Multiple self.
Yeah, this anxiety is so overboard. Picture roaring lion pawing through the clawed door or three ships trying to reach the locks simultaneously, racing. Holding live wires so they don't short each other out. Quite simply, four people all banging at the door wanting in Now, but the timed door doesn't open for 12 hours.
Welcome to my life.
It's nice to finally be able to talk about my MPD/DID...it really is...refreshing.
Thanks for reading. Even if you don't fully understand my spastic rant. Thanks for reading.
