Feeling Safe...Aspergers, Autism

I have noticed that I have been using the word "safe" quite a lot in some previous posts. So, since I "go literal" and mean exactly what the dictionary says, and since Most Nts have individualized and highly subjective dictionaries of their own that they use...allow me to explain myself....

Safe: free from danger, damage, harm

(and why is it such a big deal for me?)
I feel safe at my home. I feel safe in my own yard, but venture outside of that perimeter, well, anything can happen and safe level drops considerably.I feel safe in my own home, but only when someone else/ another family member is home with me. (a separate issue that I am working on). I feel relatively safe within my own vehicle. This last week, I felt safe in a strange, foreign environment, to a large degree for hours on end. The latter would be a big first for me.
I feel somewhat safe at my sons school, going for walks in my woods, going to the grocery stores and other local businesses...relatively, somewhat with the biggest unpredictability factor being people.
The more people that there are at any given location, the more likely it is that I will be unexpectedly accosted. (For the uninitiated the dictionary states accost: to approach and speak) I never know who will accost/ speak to me...people talking to me often, though, not necessarily always (I have a number of friends who speak to me and I welcome it and experience no fear) cause me to physically and mentally tense up, go on point, get defensive and basically, stress out. Its just the way it is. I feel that i have covered the whole people talking to me and why it is a stress in some recent, previous posts, so I will not rehash here.
New and strange locations are the biggest offenders as the variables are completely unknown and anything can happen at any moment. So, it surprised me that I felt so almost completely safe during my recent venture. And I really, really like feeling safe. Its nothing but a warm, comforting glow that engulfs and stabilizes. I think it is pretty cool that I get to periodically experience what most people feel on any given day.

One huge factor is the company I keep. Wherever I go with my Partner (and we have traveled quite a bit throughout the US) I experience a stronger level of safe than if I were alone. On my little tripy, I was with someone who I also deeply trusted. Environment..the company I keep is a very large indicator of how safe this Aspie will feel.
I realize now, that feeling safe is a given for most...and that my level of feeling that some people, new environments, different smells and unusual feels are dangerous is outside the normal scope.
I am aware that most NTs walk around wearing a degree of comfortability and that they don't worry that behind a closed door lurks anything other than the safe and familiar. I understand that when someone walks towards them they do not recoil or throw up defensive walls or start searching for the exit. And that every knock on the door is not an intruder, a threat, an accoster..it may just be someone handing out free cookies and milk. Who would have thought?
Its a strange and unpredictable place out there...but its not quite as dangerous and menacing as it was a couple of weeks ago...
Home is safe but once I step outside that door, past the end of my driveway, anything and everyone can happen and the entire ballgame changes. Call it social anxiety, agoraphobia, fear of peoples, general anxiety, whatever, its just the way it is

Going to the Grocery Store...Sensory Overload

Little things are big things

If i have been in the house for a few days, I have noticed that I am more aware of sights and sounds once i venture out again.
Case in point..I went to the grocery store today, after being home ill all week. My first steps into the store was an assault of the senses...mostly hearing. I could hear at least three different refrigerator units, motors whirring and twirling each with an individual sound. Two can and plastic bottle machines were in use.There were the three checkouts with people, clerks, baggers, muffled multiple conversations.
People walking in all directions..some towards me, others away or off to the side. Its a matter of maneuvering and figuring out the easiest and sometimes, quickest path to my destination.
The lights..lots of bright light with the produce section being illuminated by some horrendous type of lighting that causes me to hurry past, slightly closing my eyes from the glare.
There are only two grocery stores in my town and both seem to have identical produce lighting.
Some days the smells bother me but this day, I am still pretty stuffy so that is one thing I don't end up thinking about.
Oh, and I have little tolerance for those people that offer free samples of this crap or that...ewww, I avoid them like the plague, with their false smiles and small vials of new and improved swill. They make me very uneasy, maybe its because they have no problem invading my personal space or maybe its because they are one of those unexpected, unanticipated factors that do nothing but irritate and annoy.
More often than not, the Grocstore is the place that one if mostly likely to find me talking to myself. With my senses all atwitter, it is hard for me to find my own thoughts. I have my list in hand but often find myself mumbling slightly aloud as i read of the items and try and locate them. I am aware that I am doing this and modify it whenever possible but it is quite a challenge. There is simply too much going on around me and focus is often lost. That is probably one reason I enjoy going to the store with someone else, usually one of my boys. It looks like I am talking to them.
I try and make my list as complete as possible so I don't have to guess or try and figure out if we need this or that. Frequently, if I remember something not on the list, I go from one end of the store to the other, more than once.
At times, I will ignore an aisle that i need something in, if too many people are present or if it is congested. I simply move on and come back to it later.
I saw the coolest sight there today...a young man with ear muffs on to cut down on the noise. I can only guess he was autistic and I, like, got it! Great idea.

I have had days where I have need to go to the store, driven into the parking lot, saw way too many cars and just left because some days it is too challenging to deal. It happens..no biggie. Or I have modified my list to just the barest of essentials and gone from there.
Its all a matter of adjustment, adapting and finding out what works and being okay with that.
Thus is the life of an Aspie :)