Monday, May 9, 2016

Give Me a Good Word, Am I doing Anything Right? Totally Alone, I Have no Family, No One to Talk to

 Every now and then, I awaken with an odd aberrant thought. This morning it revolved around those of us who are estranged or have no family via choice or circumstance. I've been searching for a phrase or term, but "adult orphan" is taken and used by adults whose parents die. "Totally Alone" sounds a bit harsh even though it fits quite well. I further define this group by including the condition whereby one has no consistent, caring, healthy, daily support.
I have great admiration for those who are totally alone. The amount of willpower and self-affirming care that is needed each and every day is remarkable. Going through the motions and having nobody to tell you when you are doing right or a good job takes a special caliber of person. It's like navigating without a back-up guidance system. I believe that I would be a very different person, more self-confident, if I just had a stretch whereby someone believed, supported and pointed out all the positive, good things I do on a daily basis. I hate to admit that I might be a better person with someone else, a friend, a companion, or a cheerleader, but I probably would. Hmm, methinks to find such a person one might have to venture outside of the house and into seething crowds, lol. Yeah, embrace the anxiety and throw myself to the wolves.
I have to constantly tell myself positive affirmations. Harder still, I really need to start believing them. I think of the phrase "sticks and stones..." and how deeply words hurt me. I can only imagine the reverse is true and kind, caring words can deeply help me. One person, I just need one person to believe in me. One person to give a kind word, tell me I'm doing something write. Give me a compliment. Oy, hope this isn't sounding desperate or pathetic. Overall, I've been doing quite well on my own. Maybe I'm just pointing out the obvious but maybe it will enlighten those around us. It takes so little to brighten someone's day.
For clarity, whilst, I left most of my family years ago, I continue to have intermittent communication with cousins, brother and aunts. Maybe that disqualifies me, although I am not in constant or even monthly rapport with them. I guess if you feel Totally Alone, you qualify.
People like us, experience the world quite differently. Holidays, birthdays, weekends, common times where people draw together affect us on many levels. I can only guess that depression and sadness run deep in others like me, as well as a sense of insecurity and wonder at what the hell we are doing here. Somehow, we find enough value in ourselves to get through everyday and the tough holiday seasons.
Just venting and stating, I guess. I know I'm not alone in this phenomena.
If you have a better moniker, please submit it in the comments section. I welcome your comments as well as your stories.

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