I'm already starting to feel concerned about the upcoming, months away Autumn and Winter. I've consistently disliked winter but in the past few years it's gotten quite serious. When the leaves start falling, so does my mood. By the time winter rolls in and turns everything blank, stark and white, I'm in full blown depression.
The lack of sunlight isn't the problem. I've experimented with seasonal lighting devices but they do nothing. I'm a visual person, and the lack of any color in my external environment coupled with the cold, snow and inability to find a place which delights my visual senses, drags me into very dark...mighty darkdark places.
Last year it was a day-to-day struggle until I scheduled my Oregon trip. Then I had something to look forward to and focus on. The trip made getting through the season...almost tolerable. I shudder at the thought of yet another 6 months of severe depression. We have two seasons where I live, six months of springsummer and six months of winter, I kid you not.
The kicker is that I am already on anti-depressants. Last year, I even went to my doctor and tried an additional med with wretched side effects. I've tried melatonin which caused incredible head pain and suicidal ideation, so that's a no-no.
I can't seem to find a solution within reach. I need to be somewhere green year round or discover new tools to deal.
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