I feel I've played the fool all my life. It's really easy to make fun of someone when they can't understand what the teacher is saying, the directions, or what the words on the chalkboard mean.
I've lived with an invisible reality, a separation from what others around me have been experiencing. And I'm hard pressed to find the words to explain my difficulties.
It's like, I'm walking alone in a vast, empty desert and others stride beside me within these colorful individual bubbles that can readily interact with other colorful bubbles and they are all seeing and experiencing the same thing. Yet, I am not. And I cannot fathom their world. And they are completely oblivious that my separate world even exists.
It's strange, so very strange to be this differently wired in a world streaming mostly as one.
I, the erratically broken sparking wire that only I can see and feel.
Ah, back to embarrassment, I've lived an easily ridiculed life both within the family home and also in schooling. Embarrassment was born within me so long ago and has been a weekly occurrence ever since.
My skin has grown thinner with each passing faux pas and mistake I have made. People laugh so easily and they sure enjoy having someone else to put down and made fun of.
Maybe my scars have just gotten too heavy.
Maybe the quiet, isolated world of my own is just the best place for me to be.
I get embarrassed really easily. Staying in is often best.
