I rearranged my bedroom so that I can see the other apartments from my bed. I don't feel so alone.
Some have their lights on and I watch, wondering what people are thinking, doing, hoping for.
I'm alone but not lonely. I feel solace knowing others who are completely unreachable are do near.
Living AspieDID Is really something special. Each one diagnosis, in and of itself, produces distance from others. Together, man, I'm living Inside the island in the middle of nowhere.
I taught my son how to clean the microwave and sink today. One of these days I'll have taught him how to clean the entire place.
Feeling highly, highly anti-social. The dreaded Holiday Trifecta of Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are two thirds done. I call them dreaded because each one requires high parental participation. Always happy when it's over.
I continue to be bothered by that relationship...maybe it's because Guy will never see what he did wrong, or ever feel a hint of remorse...or maybe it just want on so long and I lived with such malice and resentments that I'll have to deal with it multiple hours in therapy and write pages of posts before I get that toxic poison out of my system.
Going to bed, sullen. Got burned by a friend on fb. I was so stupid to think she was nice. See, every relationship has parameters and a price and variables, hidden rules. So, Cali wanted to give my son a gift, so ordered it and said I could pick it up.
In the meantime, Cali sent a card and check.
Today she wrote to say she cancelled the order. Rescinded offer/ gift.
Because in order to be Cali's friend one must notify her immediately upon receiving her card or at least within 2 days. I didn't know this. I'm not concerned about the gift. B, I should have known better than to accept my offer as Cali tends toward drama and needing attention. C, each and every relationship us full of these hidden rules and pitfalls.
It hurt me terribly and shocked me to hear she canceled and need more drama attention. I'm not sure why it hurt me so. The shock maybe? The realization that yet another minor friendship was dissolving before my eyes? That old familiar feeling of screwing up, giving up, this friendship stuff is too volital, confusion and it hurts. It ruined half my day. I don't need this. This is a pain I can avoid.
Silly me, avoiding pain whenever possible.
It's becoming so clear...the things that hurt me...how much and how often.
It isn't worth it to go out the door.
Not worth it to try. It's just going to break anyway. Why bother