I grow old

Alone
Without anyone at my side telling me I age beautifully,
Having never watched my parents, aunts and uncles experience each decade with a new type of grace,
Seeing nieces and nephews at birthdays, parties, concerts, graduations and marriages,
Accumulating and practicing parenting skills solely from innate, immature guessing,
Having someone to turn to for advice, wisdom or comforting words,
Never holding family gatherings at my place,
Never having a grandparent/ special friend to accompany my kid to school,
Knowing my parents sins were both curse and blessing,
Knowing I can only count on myself,
Unaware of the common pitfalls of aging through watching and interacting with those around me,
Having no one who knows me more than a decade or two,
I grow old
And try to forget
That I am
And always will be
Without anyone
By my side
Unable to convey my confusion at these mysterious turns my body takes.
Unable to decipher what is normal and expected at each passing year.
The great mystery continues