I guess there are cases where incest happens to only one child in a family, as well as a perpetrator sexually abusing only one victim. This does not apply to my father. He assaulted many children. His appetite was insatiable. The only reason I know this is because I was there, I witnessed, I saw, I stayed quiet.
For reasons of privacy, as I respect each persons way of revealing and dealing with their own assaults, I will remain very vague about specifics. It's not my place to narrate another person's story. I will tell my story in ways that, I hope, do no harm.
My dad's pedophilia stemmed from his own sexual abuse. It burned and scarred him terribly. In a sense, he was somewhat helpless in his abuses of children. Short of being imprisoned, I don't think anything could have stepped my father's...compulsions to molest small children.
I personally saw him rape three other children. None of whom speak of it. Part of me hopes they don't remember but part of me sees that they suffer with the secret harm. It's not my place to name names, so I won't.
Dad had an unhealthy obsession with children's genitals. Even though he molested me multiple times every week, in my mind he was more drawn to boys than girls. I would like to think that by the time he and mom were babysitting grandchildren that dad would have gotten control of his sick obsessions, but honestly, I do not know.
I say this next part, partially to rid myself of any lingering doubts that I knowingly and willfully abused...my dad thought it a pleasurable game to fondle and digitally sodomize very small children. Unfortunately it was something he forced me to do as well. I had no choice. I really didn't. I regret it deeply. Therapy continues to help me understand the power and threats my father held over me. I was an unwilling pawn in my father's perversions.
I can only hope my dad's many victims seek or have sought therapy for the damaging injustices done to them.
There were many. Sadly. There were many.
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