Thursday, August 2, 2018

I'm Cranky and Irritable and I don't know why

My particular brand of Autism means that I have a difficult time identifying how I am feeling, physically and emotionally.
I've learned that it's easier to tell if I'm cranky or irritable if someone else is around. If my son, or even my dog is in my presence, I'm quicker to realize that something is askew and off kilter. I hear it in my tone of voice when speaking mostly.
If I'm feeling this way, I've narrowed down the possibilities as to the cause:
A) I could be tired.
B) I could be in physical pain. It seems that back pain is difficult for me to be aware of, but pain anywhere in my body, hand, foot, neck, shoulder, isn't recognized unless it's a 9 or 10 on that archaic pain scale.
C) I might be hungry. I don't eat regular meals or enjoy eating in particular. If I go too many hours the hunger may only register as feeling grumpy.
D) I could be overwhelmed. Maybe I spent a few hours out in public the day before or I ran multiple errands for a few days in a row. Maybe I just haven't had enough downtime or time alone.
The internal barometers for pain and hunger don't work very well. It can be challenging to feel "off" and not know why. I have to be vigilant and work to analyze how I feel. If I fail to recognize that my low level activities are adding up, I could end up in full-blown exhausted shutdown and be unable to speak or get out of bed for a couple days.
People erroneously accuse Autistics of "overthinking" failing to realize that overthinking is mandatory if your Aspie.
I've stopped beating myself up for my frequent analyzing and examining. Its necessary.

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