Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Friday, August 10, 2018

What Torture Taught Me

Torture is the intentional infliction of pain for no reason. Molestation and incest are quite different, more personal and soul injuries. I found torture to be more of a "social" crime as it affected how I viewed the outside world.
As a child that was tortured about once every month or two, by my father or his mother, I have a good deal of experience with this issue.
Being tortured taught me that people in general and those who claimed to love me, could, at any point and without warning, subject me to intense physical pain. It didn't matter if I was good or flawless; i was liable to be hurt on any given day, for absolutely no reason.
Torture meant life was a powder keg, a slippery slope, a slimy pond and my behavior, how I felt, what I thought, how well I did amounted to nothing.
All was hopeless, unpredictable and nonsensical.
Since it frequently happened I came to equate living with reoccurring intense painful events. I had no control over my life, my body and these evil people that would want to harm me.
My pain and discomfort made others happy. There always seemed to be a smile of satisfaction upon the faces of my perpetrators. It made Them feel good to make me feel bad. My only worth, the only way I could try to make people love me, make them smile, was to endure intense pain.
It taught me to turn my back to no one. It taught me to trust no one. It taught me to let no one get physically or emotionally close to me.
If I couldn't see a person's hands, I could potential be hurt. It created an incredible need for distance from all others.
It taught me that even the good, pure and innocent were subject to physical punishment. I had no value. No one would recognize my positive qualities. I was dirt under someone else's shoes, every single day.
It taught me I was nothing, a nobody and that I would never find someone that would ever care about me.
I was good and yet that amounted to nothing.