Torture is the intentional infliction of pain for no reason. Molestation and incest are quite different, more personal and soul injuries. I found torture to be more of a "social" crime as it affected how I viewed the outside world.
As a child that was tortured about once every month or two, by my father or his mother, I have a good deal of experience with this issue.
Being tortured taught me that people in general and those who claimed to love me, could, at any point and without warning, subject me to intense physical pain. It didn't matter if I was good or flawless; i was liable to be hurt on any given day, for absolutely no reason.
Torture meant life was a powder keg, a slippery slope, a slimy pond and my behavior, how I felt, what I thought, how well I did amounted to nothing.
All was hopeless, unpredictable and nonsensical.
Since it frequently happened I came to equate living with reoccurring intense painful events. I had no control over my life, my body and these evil people that would want to harm me.
My pain and discomfort made others happy. There always seemed to be a smile of satisfaction upon the faces of my perpetrators. It made Them feel good to make me feel bad. My only worth, the only way I could try to make people love me, make them smile, was to endure intense pain.
It taught me to turn my back to no one. It taught me to trust no one. It taught me to let no one get physically or emotionally close to me.
If I couldn't see a person's hands, I could potential be hurt. It created an incredible need for distance from all others.
It taught me that even the good, pure and innocent were subject to physical punishment. I had no value. No one would recognize my positive qualities. I was dirt under someone else's shoes, every single day.
It taught me I was nothing, a nobody and that I would never find someone that would ever care about me.
I was good and yet that amounted to nothing.
As a child that was tortured about once every month or two, by my father or his mother, I have a good deal of experience with this issue.
Being tortured taught me that people in general and those who claimed to love me, could, at any point and without warning, subject me to intense physical pain. It didn't matter if I was good or flawless; i was liable to be hurt on any given day, for absolutely no reason.
Torture meant life was a powder keg, a slippery slope, a slimy pond and my behavior, how I felt, what I thought, how well I did amounted to nothing.
All was hopeless, unpredictable and nonsensical.
Since it frequently happened I came to equate living with reoccurring intense painful events. I had no control over my life, my body and these evil people that would want to harm me.
My pain and discomfort made others happy. There always seemed to be a smile of satisfaction upon the faces of my perpetrators. It made Them feel good to make me feel bad. My only worth, the only way I could try to make people love me, make them smile, was to endure intense pain.
It taught me to turn my back to no one. It taught me to trust no one. It taught me to let no one get physically or emotionally close to me.
If I couldn't see a person's hands, I could potential be hurt. It created an incredible need for distance from all others.
It taught me that even the good, pure and innocent were subject to physical punishment. I had no value. No one would recognize my positive qualities. I was dirt under someone else's shoes, every single day.
It taught me I was nothing, a nobody and that I would never find someone that would ever care about me.
I was good and yet that amounted to nothing.
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