Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Byline

She had always felt best
At night
At dark
Amongst no expectations
Only her will and whim
Light illuminates little that matters
Spirits can't soar
Under parental restraint
The give me, give me
Unspoken responsibilities
Rumors written in whispers
Swirl and ebb
Amongst her crown
Feet of clay
Needn't feel sand
To know they are real
Behind thick curtains
The other
The wanters
And needers
She laughs behind the veil
Walls of darkness conceal
Her true self,
How she honestly feels
Lost in the squinting, oppressive daylight
This incarnation
Exploring the degregation and pain
Of having flesh and bone
A spirit tormented
Plugged into
Traumatized physical beingness
Words fail
Intricacies, levels
Of discomfort, of pain
Of torment
Hiding behind the bookshelf
That couldn't stand the breeze
Of an open door
The perplexity of an open door
And not being able to walk out it
Barefoot, thorns sting
And mash into
Abrade and scar
But no one sees
Blood on the floor
All but ignored
Intermingled with maggots and dirt
If she could
Pull down the heavy clouds
And pour forth the rain
To the one who never knew clean
She could stand
In the living room
Soaking wet
And no one asked why
Or noticed anything strange
Amiss
Remiss
Invisible
Invalid
No one Else was Wet
So she was not
Her words evaporated
Into walls soaked in tears
Her screams stifled
By heavy hands
And pounding fists
Her fairy tale respite
It Was all in her head
You know the one
Coiled in wire barbed
And sharply tipped
Her hands always ached
Perennially empty
Longing
Wanting
Misbegotten
Speaking of woe
Naked
Afraid
Cowering
Under thin blankets
And tattered clothes
A waif
Orphan
Lying little bitch
Hatred
Daggers in every corner
Behind the curtain
Under bed and couch
She'd tear at her face
Her hair
Her feet
Trying to get out
Get away
Leave the pain
Don't let them catch her
Oh no
Not again
Always knowing
What would come next
With the angry, grasping fists
And the sharp words
From semi curled lips
Smirking smiles
Hiding lies
Betraying
Hurt
Ruby red lips
Upturned
Inflicting
STOP
And it Never Did
It never would
Crouched under the barrage
Her back took the blows
Her front dare not see
Or speak of
Smack
Down
Trembling fear
In every cell of her being
Like quakes, shivering
Convulsing
Please set me free
But the chains too heavy
No place to run
God why must the first ten years of her life
Haunt and torment her so?
I ask
Now, I dare ask
I see
Look back and see
The scars
And the beatings
As well
Kept them hidden
Couldn't see them
Back then
Couldn't fathom the depth
Of the injury
How they maimed and scarred her so
Emotionally, a forever weeping child
Crying out
For no one in particular
Just for help
From beings unnamed, unknown
Do you know what it's like
To stand crying and bleeding
Amidst those who "love you"
And none would come to aid?
I could reach out and touch them,
They were that physically close,
Yet I wasn't there,
My pain Invalid
Nonexistent
They said they were kin
But they were cruel
Legs that would not move
Feet that would not carry
Hands flapping
Open, cold, useless
Living in that pit
Of mayhem and filth
Human filth, emotional garbage
How they hurt me
Intentionally
With malice
And great joy
Tell me why I have yet to recover
From the stings, barbs, insults
All I wanted was a bite to eat,
Shoes on my feet
And a hand to hold on to
I spoke
But no one bothered to hear
I write
Because I can
Now
Tell the story
And be heard
It's an incredible tale
I rarely believe it
Myselves
How long must I bear this burden
They who witnessed will never see
It didn't happen in a vacuum
Or isolated alley
Much happened with blind witness present
Their own hands tied behind their backs
Ears covered
Lips welded shut
It's one thing to be beaten alone
Where no one can see
It's quite another
Act of humiliation and embarrassment
To be maligned in front of a "loving" crowd
They know what happened
Yet their tongues are tied
No longer mine
No longer mine






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