Wish I could run away

To a place that had answers to what ails me, to a place where someone says "here, let me help you. I know how much you hurt. I know what will help."

 To me, debilitating illness is when you can't take care of yourself and no one knows or can help you feel any better. It's when you have to muster all your strength, push thru enormous pain and fatigue and convince your body you can do this. The piece of bread out in the kitchen will be worth this much effort.

 Seriously, this is crazy ass, debilitating, ferocious illness.

 Having disease and distress in which no one can say, "here, take this, it will help."

I'm in a place with no answers, not even a hint. 

 I stopped all detoxing practices. Read last night that if the body is that fucking miserable it's either from under detox Or too much. Had to analyse...based on my body sensitivity, I established that I'm doing way way too much. So I stopped everything. I'm still thoroughly, through and through exhausted sleeping heavily most of the day, but I was able to get up and cook for myself and actually eat a warm meal. The aches and pains are lessened as well as all the intestional/ stomach high discomfort.

 Sleeping is a most natural way to heal but it doesn't work when you have a family to take care of. I've pretty much fallen short in teaching my kids to care for themselves and those who are sick. 

 Yeah, I'd run away to this mythical place called "Grandmas Place". She was the only one who could look at me and see that I was hurting and sick. She was the only one who would voluntarily help me. She would cook for me. Sit and eat with me. Get me a blankie if I looked cold. Bring me an aspirin. Ask me how I was and what she could do.

 I'm even having a hard time mentally finding and getting into an even purely visual, dreamlike place where I can feel warm, safe and comforted.

 It really is a bitch. I don't know.

Physically, I'm a wee bit better, which I'll gladly take and means a lot. Everything else, well, I'm getting through this day.

Don't know if I have any hope at all but I'm still here and I know my kids appreciate that. I know they'll help if I ask them. Don't know if or when this misery will ever end. But I'm making it through today.