Second, I am off facebook. Just not in the mood. You can leave messages for me in the comments, if you like.
Third, did I ever mention how helpful therapy is? I continue to be amazed at how much my thinking changes and improves just through talking to someone for fifty minutes a week. Yes! I met with my Therapist yesterday.
Fourth, I am feeling well enough to be out off bed and cooking food for myself:)
Fifth; I do think in pictures, Autism. Words are slippery, changeable things that can be quite challenging to find and comprehend. Thinking in visuals, or pictures allows me to understand my inner world of thoughts, feelings and emotions with relative ease.
Case in point... Let's say that whenever someone is born, they are given a small house, representing their physical body. From a young age, when my body was being physically hurt, I kept "leaving home", or dissociating. My home/ body was a painful place and I'd escape and run away anytime the pain was unbearable.
Being autistic means being very sensitive, having at least twice the amount of normal neurons (in my humble, one-sided opinion). Basically, I would reach the point of "unbearable" before a non-autistic counterpart. And I did have some truly hideous things perpetrated on my body, no doubt.
Thus and so, I regularly "left home".
Methinks, looking back, that being caught in my body was like being a sucker. Any fool would have realized how extremely unsafe and painful it was to every be in the small home I was given at birth.
And that's...interesting. I was given, gifted with a physical body of My very own. It never felt safe and secure. The walls always trembled with the wind and the door was constantly being broken in. I never even had time to paint the walls or hang pictures. The legs are busted off the bed, but if I ever bothered to fix them someone will just bust in and break them again.
It's time to tell myself...that I do, truly have a home and that it is safe and secure. No one can break the door down...anymore. It's time to mend the furniture, shore up the walls, throw a warm quilt on the bed and start living in here.
