Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Thoughts on having DID/ MPD

As I lay here and think about how to describe having Dissociative Identity Disorder, I picture myself running down a long, dark hallway with many doors. I'm being chased...always being chased, running from the angry, grasping hand that will hurt me.
 I used to feel trapped. I had to live in the house of terror, and I mean that with no exaggeration. The walk from school to parents house was a walk of freedom, leisurely and unhurried. My mind was allowed to wander. It was a brief respite I looked forward to.
 Living DID involved a good deal of uncertainty. Maybe it was typically for me to dissociate and find myself in a different classroom I didn't remember walking to or suddenly waking up, becoming conscious half-way through a reading assignment, being completely lost as to what had taken place all morning long till that point.
 Again, I see me running down the dark hallway with many doors. I'd try a door here and there. If one was unlocked, I'd dart in and try and throw another part of me out for salvation. 
 I know. Sounds quite strange. For some reason it feels important to write, even if it's not understandable.
 I lived more in intense fear than I did in nonfear. Always trying to get away, to hide. Never feeling safe or that I could get far enough away from the danger. I was perpetually exhausted. Under constant threat. Never felt safe enough to stop and catch my breath. No, danger was always imminent. 
 I slept with one eye open and with my back up against the wall. It didn't prevent my father from getting in bed with me but it made it a little less startling.
 I guess I've always wondered if I could ever stop running. If I would be able to just sit and be within myself...semi-comfortably. I think I can do that now.
I just have to convince myself that I'm no longer being chased.
 Maybe now the incessant running can stop.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing, Amy. You have explained some of the effects of DID/MPD, in a way that gives me some further insight, into what you have had to deal with, throughout your life.

    You are safe, my friend and you can stop running, now. :)